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Pretending it Feels So Good and Now it Will
Contributed by
mangos
on
Monday, 31st October 2005 @ 09:20:53 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Entangled in your arms
My body feels like it floats
Surrendered my resolve
My mind feels overdosed
I feel you come closer
I can recognize your scent
I feel your hand on my shoulder
And then its rapid descent
Your bedroom eyes
Stare a hole through the essence of me
Straight to the point
You are a women yet to be pleased
You have been deserted
Never an orgasmic reached
So cynical and suspicious
You must be one hell of an actress to fall on your knees
________________________________
___________________
Copyright ©
mangos
... [
2005-10-31 09:20:53]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Pretending it Feels So Good and Now it Will
(User Rating: 1 )
by MisTaraReunite on
Monday, 31st October 2005 @ 02:42:53 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The form is no good, just can hear no music,dig?
the object is good though |
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Re: Pretending it Feels So Good and Now it Will
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 2nd November 2005 @ 01:49:50 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Yes, I definitely remember this one! Well, I'm not a fan of originals being worked over, and I must admit, I like the first ending better. Also, the two line stanzas you've incorporated into this version, sort of takes away from the punch to some of your words. Maybe I'm just being fussy because I get hung up on the original version of things...Be it a song, poem, or a thought. I still do very much like this write...seeing how I know the story behind it, I guess I have an unfair advantage : )
Scorp.
(Who also liked the original title better too! lol) |
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