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Fallen Apart

Contributed by kareless on Wednesday, 26th October 2005 @ 03:47:23 AM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

All these thoughts that run through my head,
while I lay awake at night, rigid, at the foot of my bed.

Many around, that consume the hours of light that grace the day,
all with plenty of nothing to say.

The hour of serious decision has fallen upon present time,
my distaste to make this however, is as painful as eating a lime.

Which aspect upon should I thrive?
At present my rival is I must face what keeps me alive, eats me alive!

It's a fate which I am torturously blessed,
the unforunate part of which I bear all...is my chest.

When does the bed upon which I sleep, start to wear thin?
Life as is mine, where pain & resentment, I am very akin?

Doubt is a fear that can stop you before you've begun to start.
How many pieces must fall before you've fallen apart?

Copyright © kareless ... [ 2005-10-26 03:47:23]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Fallen Apart (User Rating: 1 )
by Dri on Wednesday, 26th October 2005 @ 01:29:56 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

third stanza made me grind my teeth. horrid. what were you thinking? "as painful as eating a lime?..." i was not charmed by your desperation to find a rhyme.

Doubt is a fear that can stop you before you've begun to start.
How many pieces must fall before you've fallen apart?

that's the line i loved. much more natural.

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