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Dream In…Dream Out
Contributed by
Dark_and_Cold
on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 07:14:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Dream In…
Nightmares again tonight
It’s more than I can take
There’s no end in sight
Because I’m awake
I’m living in a daze
This fog will not lift
I walk through the haze
My mind starts to drift
Can this really be real?
Thoughts shrouded in mist
It seems so surreal
Do I really exist?
Questions never die
Answers don’t exist
Time to say goodbye
There’s nothing I’ll miss
I can do without
This eternal maze
Only one way out…
My mind is ablaze
Dream Out…
You always would say
“Life is but a dream”
Well now I agree
It’s not what it seems
What really matters
When all things will end
My life is in tatters
Still I won’t pretend
I refuse to be used
By anything thing or one
But I’m just so confused
Of this life, I want none
A shadow of life
Is worth less than death
This undying strife
Is all I have left
I was fooled before
By all these charades
No longer life’s whore
No more masquerade
Life is life merely
It means nothing to me
I’d rather see death clearly
And sleep peacefully
It seems hard to take
But now it’s quite clear
Only one way to wake
When life’s a nightmare
Copyright ©
Dark_and_Cold
... [
2005-10-24 19:14:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 07:19:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Aww, well lol I'm not going to complain, I like your dark side. It's good not to let people walk over you, but don't be afraid to care - or show your feelings, you know? Anyways, amazing write, dark, I love it lol. I've been waiting for more of your writing, can't wait for more.
-Cassy
Btw way - ya never know when that nightmare will turn into a dream. Hope things get brighter for you. |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 07:27:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A little long, but it gets the message across, some parts could be reworded to stop some hick ups. The idea is rather good and put to words rather well, some of the ryhmes are forced but overall a good poem
~Clark |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by ChibiMiroku on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 09:09:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Wow. Nicely done!
I really enjoyed how you could have a poem that was centered around a dark theme; but wasn't really negative at all. Well done! |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 10:58:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ok Brandin...."open" instead of "shutting" look at what you have , and could..........Talent.....youth, and SO much more......Come on......Take it from someone who has um..been told some........Always a pleasure to read all you pen..There is so much more to any of the writes, I read.!
Brew~ |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 11:29:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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you touched on many things we all feel and think about. Great expressions flow and rhyme enjoyed it very much
Michelle |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXxmegsxXx on
Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 09:46:42 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| i loved it. i love ur style of writing |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by Lashing_Tongue on
Wednesday, 26th October 2005 @ 11:38:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Jus sending a shout out man! Everything you said about this site was true, by the way. See you at the rave tonight? |
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Re: Dream In…Dream Out
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 27th October 2005 @ 07:28:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| My advice to you is that you develop a new structure in stanzas. The majority of your poetry conforms to the same generic, and is void almost entirely of lateral observation. I also found the line "no longer lifes whore" quite disturbing in that you seemed to personify "life", as though "it " is something to be personified. Also, the line "life is merely " does not make sense in regards to the following line "it means nothing to me". |
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