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Remember Tomorrow
Contributed by
Opium
on
Monday, 20th January 2003 @ 08:40:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
So come my dear let's take a walk, just out there along the beach
I know you'll soon be married and what's between us will nowhere reach
You'll just let me live alone, with the choice to carry dreams
Hand in hand right now we walk, nothing is as bad as it seems
A cool breeze stroke your hair on this autumn night of May
Soon the sun will shine again and you will be just gone away
Well it's never said that love should always find the light
But what I have inside my heart will forever be away from sight
Now your steps are carved in sand and your words within my heart
And hand in hand right now we walk but how much long could you play this part?
Of a friendship, or of love …soon this will all be gone
Only the sands of time will remember what was said and what was done.
Copyright ©
Opium
... [
2003-01-20 20:40:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Olddarkme on
Monday, 20th January 2003 @ 10:09:20 PM AEST
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| Very interesting subject. Some of the grammar is poor which brings it down a little but is easily corrected. A little more detail about the evening would make the poem more vivid. The imagery is good in the last stanza such as the 'steps being carved in sand.' I'm guessing that the author is in the Eastern Hemisphere as the 'autumn night in May' is mentioned. |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by OreO on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 01:32:53 AM AEST
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Olddarkme????? Poor grammar???? How rude! This poem is written from the heart it's clear to see, ah the beauty of the passion it has and the depth of sadness at the same time. I enjoyed reading this one it brought tears to my eyes....it's a calming soothing poem yet stirring to the soul.....love this one Opium, you keep writing...you write beautifully.....Love this one....
.:*~*:.OreO.:*~*:. |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 04:00:41 AM AEST
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I could be wrong .. but I've always assumed Opium was from some far exotic land and that was why his/her English was not always perfect.... I have always loved his/her poetry though - especially the absolutely beautiful and sensual poem "On Whom the Sun Doth Shine" - this poem does not have perfect English but grabbed onto my heart and soul so fiercely I was gobsmacked and have read it a million times over.
Perfect English is not always essential - the essence and beauty is more important. The message in this one is sad but cuts like a knife.
Well written. .... Jan |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Opium on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 09:31:21 AM AEST
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| I don't like to act like a chid, but plz when someone don't like my poems, let him save his comment for himself, I write what I feel and I use the exact words that expresses that, I don't care how my english looks, I know my potentials, shou hayda wlo! 3alam khezmatchiyeh wdarbin 7alon bkherye kbire |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 10:00:23 AM AEST
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| Sometimes...I am amazed at how nasty people can be. Let me tell ya opium....you write with great emotion and you arent afraid to write in a style that is your own. I love your work as do many others here. There are poetry sites that are created for harsh reviews....this is not one of them .This is a site where friends post there hearts outpourings. If you dont like what you read..then just shut the f... up and move to another poem. Getting your jollys by tearing others down is pretty sad. Must be another child whos dad sent them to bed without supper. Great write my friend! |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by gina on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 10:08:06 AM AEST
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mmm well i know ur smarter than to care about what those pple say , toz 3layyon ,chou bifahemon henneh, khalas u have my opinion ma bikaffeh ?!its gr8
AND HEY U RUDE PPLE , SAVE UR COMMENTS, MY FRIEND HERE IS THE ONE WHO INSPIRED ME TO WRITE...LOOK AT UR POEMS FIRST HEIN.....
khalas A l'un ,as u said , they are nothing but a ...tfeh , vul word lol
hehe |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 10:14:15 AM AEST
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| hey opium,ur poem is gr8 the idea is wonderful,but i donno y i always find some diffuculty in readin ur poems u can make them more simple.anyway good writin ,continue +1 |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 10:18:00 AM AEST
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| eh i forgot to say try to not use anythin 2elou 3ale2a bil khara in ur replys |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Olddarkme on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 01:59:30 PM AEST
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| Geez I gave it some constructive criticism and look what happens. The poem was fine. Sometimes giving some input in both directions helps the writer. I've often been criticized for my writes and I understand that it's to help my writing, not to make me feel bad. As far as the English goes, some of the words aren't conjugated and that's what I meant. I also said it's no big deal. I would rather have someone be honest about my work and help my writing then just gush over something that's not very good. Again, my writing has been criticized, (much more harshly then I criticized yours), often for little things and it's too bad that so many people don't see it that way. Sorry you flipped but that 's my opinion and that's all. I won't be posting anymore because I hate groups that can't read a person's comments properly. I have no desire to waste my time on them. |
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wrybod on
Tuesday, 21st January 2003 @ 02:02:27 PM AEST
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Opium. Well it got there for me. Had a little lump in my throat.
Much as I wanted to, several times, my pride would not let me go after a girl who'd dropped me. (no guts) Now I know what it would have been like.
Thanks for a soulfull read.
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Re: Remember Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Chrissie on
Wednesday, 22nd January 2003 @ 10:09:45 AM AEST
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This really touched my heart ..it 's rhythm gives me the sense of the ebb and flow of the tide. It's lovely Opium
Chrissie |
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