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The Dungeon
Contributed by
mangos
on
Tuesday, 18th October 2005 @ 09:06:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Runaway, breakdown
On lockdown
Someone pulled the switch
Someone tell that female dog
She aint’ nobodys
Which, by the way, culminates into this,
Colliding hiss
As the chemist battles the physicist
On a topic so trivial
So tempting
They simple could not resist
In a medieval pillar of a castle
In a city spoken of as simply magical
With a moat running all across
The peripheral
The tangible
The goats bowing to the flags holy cross
And in the deepest dungeon
Below the bickering of the block
The peeling of the onion
The skin begins to rot
And as they debated
As to the odds and ends
In emblazoned
Fiery voices
Choices, were made to eventually bend
The answers
Were hidden in their faces
Complacent in their places
Below their very feat
To be exact
Under their seat
Exactly where they sat
He thinks he knows what he’s talking about
She thinks it can only help
To scream and shout
To lash out
To take a swing and knock his lights-
Too many fights
Lead to these two brilliant minds
Never being able to see eye to eye
But beneath them waits
This soul to escape
They say “the darkest hour
Is right before the dawn”
He heard them stop for a moment
And under their castle lawn
He knelt and prayed
This haunting freedom
Would make him their slave
And to his grave
He prayed for the dungeon
Who always called his name
___________________________
_______________
Copyright ©
mangos
... [
2005-10-18 21:06:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Dungeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 18th October 2005 @ 09:32:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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lol! Did you read my comments?? Or is this another eerie coincidence :O
Well I love this for many reasons, but I'll just touch on the poetic stuff, and not so much the topic.
The awesome flow and wordplay get top marks, of course!
The blunt sauciness displayed profusely throughout, is always a crowd pleaser, for me anyway : )
Hmmm...yeah, that's it. I enjoyed this. Great job Mangos!!
Scorp. |
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Re: The Dungeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by MrJeans on
Wednesday, 19th October 2005 @ 12:43:55 AM AEST
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Cool delivery bro!
The rhythm was precise
with deep rooted thoughts.
Mr. |
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Re: The Dungeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Thursday, 20th October 2005 @ 10:51:03 PM AEST
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I agree with Scorp on the magnificent play on words..
and flowing nice too..
Brilliant composition-
very well marshalled...the ideas-
I love it..5 from me-
Billy |
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Re: The Dungeon
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 23rd October 2005 @ 12:32:21 PM AEST
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I'm inclined to mention that no matter how long and dark the night... dawn cannot be denied. *sigh* Thank heavens for that!
Another great write here. I'll echo the comments of the others... interestingly placed rhyme, great use of near rhyme as well and terrific flow. There is an insistance to this that I like very much... it reads as a bit of poetic screaming, I think. And... with regard to it's poetic value AND it's content, I can only say - shout on, Mangos... oh, yes, do.
~Snemmy |
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