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If I Should Die Tomorrow
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 11:01:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
war
|
If I should die tomorrow,
Then leave me where I lay;
My brothers all around me--
It's where I wish to stay.
If I should die tomorrow,
In this most bloody War,
Leave with me a memory
Of what I'm dying for.
If I should die tomorrow,
It's for the times I've sinned,
Thrown my morals all aside,
And caution to the wind.
If I should die tomorrow,
Then take my weathered name,
And preach to all the children
That this was not a game.
If I should die tomorrow,
Then leave me where I lay,
And fulfill a dying wish:
Remember me some day.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-10-12 23:01:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 11:14:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I am glad you did not end your life then i would miss out on the bueatiful and thoughtful poems you post on site. I am reminded of two writes i posted sometime ago: "As close as I have been" and "And you're gone" I leave a quote from the second which is about a sailor who killed himself this year;
"And silence fell,
nothing could quell
the horror of the moment
that ended all your torment
that I wished I could prevent.
Tears will be wept
in dark decent;
and it is meant to be.
For now you're gone
Now you are gone"
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 11:22:00 PM AEST
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Hmmm...war...a touchy subject, with often divided views. I think you did a good job portraying both sides. You certainly managed to say alot, and rather effectively, I might add. The flow and the rhyme scheme were on point as well. In my opinion, one can't help but feel introspective when reading this...
As well as grateful for those fighting the battle for us. Chilling ending, and it fits the bill precisely. Very good job with this one Marc.
Scorp. |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by absolutspin on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 11:24:03 PM AEST
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| I gotta say it hit me in a personal spot...cause i have some friends in Iraq right now...but it's excellent...almost like a prayer |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by sandypoet on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 12:11:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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My nose began to tingle,
As the tears built up inside,
Because of the words you had written,
Tore me up inside......
Take care of yourself... love sandy. |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 10:49:06 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This had a ringing truth behind each stanza. You’ve done exceedingly well with this poignant piece.
I do see some stanzas that’s lacking some word or letter. But if you do look closely it doesn’t matter.
Good write, thanks for posting it.
Jane~
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 07:14:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| wow im in awww my friend is in iraq and he sead he was thinking of killing him self then i told him how much i loved him and would miss him im glad you didnt kill your self because i loved you write it looks at this subject in a very depicktive way loved it |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 09:02:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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excellent write, great flow and rhyme.
wizard |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 19th October 2005 @ 06:58:41 AM AEST
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a Message)
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This, this is a great poem. Written to perfection. You have written an awesome piece. Extremely well done. Your rhyme, meter, everything works in harmony.
Take care.
David |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by mrpeanut64 on
Wednesday, 9th November 2005 @ 03:15:37 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think the first stanza says it all. Excellent write. |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Apolla on
Thursday, 10th November 2005 @ 07:19:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This poem had great flow and rhyme scheme and the topic was great in itself. Your writing reminds me of someone else I knew.....Thanks for commenting on my poem! |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shattered_soul on
Thursday, 10th November 2005 @ 02:44:09 PM AEST
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If you should die tomarrow, Im sure you will be remembered, if you are to blocked from memory Im sure your poems will live on, this was a really good write and it makes me think of my sister.
S.S |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Monday, 19th May 2008 @ 01:23:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I am glad you turned it around... Lovely poem... The flow was excellent....the topic..heartbreaking...
Jenni |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 15th June 2008 @ 07:34:35 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is an excellent poem!!! |
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Re: If I Should Die Tomorrow
(User Rating: 1 )
by kelly_may on
Sunday, 22nd June 2008 @ 02:20:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this was wrote very well... straight from the heart a work of fine art |
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