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Frostbitten
Contributed by
Dark_and_Cold
on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 12:35:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
“And finally he learned,
All that love does is burn…
So he died in the snow, cold and alone…”
As heaven swirls gently down,
I’m lying on the ground
Lost in the milky skies
A Crystalline caress chills my face,
my lips freeze from the taste
The winter fills my eyes
A shivering touch numbs my skin,
Frost sinks licentiously in
I’m enamored with the cold
White dims to smoky gray,
The light dies with the day
It’s a pleasure to behold
The sun sets unseen,
I’m lying in this frozen dream
Knowing it will never end
I lie in snow-struck awe,
Praying my mind never thaw
Before it can transcend
My arctic night has begun,
The air freezes in my lungs
I don’t have long to wait
The color bleeds from my face,
Caught in an icy embrace
I have seen my caustic fate
I think nothing of pain,
The blood is frozen in my veins
Suspended in a sea of ice
A burning tear stings me,
Waiting as the sky brings me
My glacial paradise
Crystals shape with utmost grace,
My final frozen resting place
My soul bids a bitter goodbye
The snowy bliss in which I dwell,
Dante once labeled hell
But heaven is falling from the sky
Copyright ©
Dark_and_Cold
... [
2005-10-12 12:35:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 02:04:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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the pleasure was mine to read this Im so looking forward to more from you. Nicely done!
Michelle |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 09:45:22 PM AEST
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| Good write man, I have been away from the site for awhile...obviously you have stirred some folks up around here. LOL Some can be so vicious and self-righteous. Truth is man, your stuff is good..keep righting and be kind. Don't let other opinions get ya down. I look forward to checking out more of your work. Peace to you, Laura |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 12:12:58 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I agree with Michelle on this one.
well done |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 02:14:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like your rhyme scheme in this poem. I think your words could have been sharper, (You want to chill the readers, to wow them and make them see in words what you feel. That is easier said than done. This is a good approximate and i do not know if i could have written it to your skill. |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elizabeth_Dandy on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 04:41:04 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Beautifully penned!
Yes, Dante saw hell as eternal Ice. Saw Caiphas in it.
But he is not alone, some Muslim Sects perceive hell too as Ice.
Blessings
Elizabeth |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Minus_Blindfold on
Thursday, 13th October 2005 @ 06:40:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| very nice! Keep it up ...i could use the competition! I know there is no competition but it's what keeps me motovated so...yeah! |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 14th October 2005 @ 06:26:31 AM AEST
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| This was a realy good read,,so I thank you,,,Eddy,, may they long continue |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by mjh0813 on
Friday, 14th October 2005 @ 09:43:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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nice i love it.
keep it up i love reading your stuff!
peace and love
meghann |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by djs on
Friday, 14th October 2005 @ 12:18:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this was excellent, your use of descriptive dialect plus an uncommon ryhme scheme make this poem truely amazing. i am very impressed. |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Monday, 24th October 2005 @ 10:31:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Good imagery thought again the length is monsterous and takes away from the over all greatness of the poem.
~Clark |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 12:00:42 AM AEST
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"the length is monstrous"
That's what she said :P |
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Re: Frostbitten
(User Rating: 1 )
by AmandaChartrand on
Sunday, 30th April 2006 @ 07:20:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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great rite so beautifully datailed
CHEERS,
Amanda |
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