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The Fall
Contributed by
Loende
on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 03:41:33 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
She raised a hand to Moonlight’s glow
And asked the Queen to make it so.
For She who rules us every night,
To sit and listen to her plight.
With anguished voice, the tears did start,
As she poured out her broken heart.
A tale of Love, to span the ages,
Discarded now, on empty pages.
He told me things I thought were true,
He said them here, you heard them too!
And here beneath your Regal Sky,
He did promise to be mine.
In grief her voice begins to break,
As she recalls what he did take.
Her mind made up, her purpose sure,
She steps out to water pure.
Mother Moon, ‘ o’ Lady of Light,
Please, wash away my Sins this night.
That I might rise and face the dawn,
Ready and able to move on.
Restore in me, the trust of love,
Rain your peace down from above.
Allow my heart to heal and mend,
That I might learn to love again.
And She who ruled from throne up high,
Did deem to answer on this night.
Moonbeams fell and stars shone bright,
To cleanse that saddened soul with light.
As water rose and touched her skin,
Her shame and anger broke within,
While liquid grace closed overhead,
She heard a gentle voice instead.
Rest My Childe, here in my arms,
And I will keep you safe from harm.
For when you wake upon the morrow,
Your heart will then be free from sorrow.
So she who wished for death that night,
Had found her voice, her will to fight.
And Mother Moon, who nurtures all,
Had saved another from the fall.
Copyright ©
Loende
... [
2005-10-11 03:41:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 04:20:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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A bit sad but beautifully written.
Awesome writing.
huggs,
emy
I luv the ending. |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by LEMMEN on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 04:58:47 AM AEST
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Nicely written and very sad
~DENNIS~ |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 09:49:15 AM AEST
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A taste of the epic poem, probably because of how you have incarnated the moon (and of course the sad tale of betrayal and deception is timeless now and forever).
There are a few hiccups in the metre but not enough for anyone but picky buggers like me to notice (or maybe I'm too tired to critique). I wasn't sure about the last stanza. If she was planning to top herself, why did she hope to face the dawn cleansed and ready to move on? I understand what happens in stanza 8 but it didn't seem to justify staying under.
Aside from all that, this feels really lovely to read, like a good belgium chocalte melting in the mouth.
Spike |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by ArsenicMyst on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 11:58:48 AM AEST
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*
beautiful ...
rich and magical in mythic splendor
blessed be
Arsenic ·.¸·:
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 05:47:41 PM AEST
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WoW I absolutely loved this. A brilliant capativating write. You had me drawn in from start to finish. A bit sad, but thumbs up to this magical masterpiece. 5 Moonlit stars from me.
*hugs*
Sue |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 11th October 2005 @ 08:35:29 PM AEST
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A flight of imagination, beautifully rendered into words, turning the actual into the epic, at the same time making it no less natural.
I'm not usually one for the old-modern-English style - I'm not sure why, not for any criticism that I can think of. Perhaps it's a part of my anti-Shakespearianism, so I go more for the archaic Germanic or Gaelic epic style. But this you've done well, and I like it. Keep at it, childe.
Anar caluva tielyanna
Andrew |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Friday, 14th October 2005 @ 09:18:03 AM AEST
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This was awesome, Morning. See! I was right about the meter! So there! But hey, one fault... it can be forgiven.
Take care.
David |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on
Saturday, 28th October 2006 @ 09:04:12 PM AEST
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Damn girl.
I have read a few of your poems, but this one stands out to me. (Maybe it's because I love the moon, but then, maybe not) I find this very beautifull in a heartbreaking, but cleansing sort of way, if you get me.
I love this write, I love its power and its sadness and its hope.
Good write, my friend,
Love Phyllis xxx |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 2nd December 2008 @ 09:51:27 AM AEST
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| amazing, the imagery is simply fantastic. it even gives me hope of finding true love, thank you. |
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Re: The Fall
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 2nd April 2009 @ 06:16:35 PM AEST
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| Absolutely brilliant!!!!! |
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