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If my thoughts could fly
Contributed by
girish
on
Monday, 10th October 2005 @ 10:51:14 AM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Thoughts are birds that could fly
Stretch their wings, as birds in the sky
In their flight they search to find
A relation that has a long-standing bind
Mist is spread in the petals of rose
Falls as honey drops and it flows
The first droplet fell on your face
It glides through the entire surface
This honey-drop has not been drunk
For this my body had got the shrunk
For it my mind blows like sea-waves
These waves explain my mind`s raves
If I should shiver because of the cold
Your sight provides the relief, behold
Without a hold if the cold gets a raid
It`s the reason, on your laps I get laid
Have your laps become pearled swing?
If it`s you, it`s me, that`s the meaning
Since thoughts are birds that could fly
Stretch their wings, as birds in the sky
Copyright ©
girish
... [
2005-10-10 10:51:14]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: If my thoughts could fly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jeff_Scott_Morehead on
Monday, 10th October 2005 @ 11:12:56 AM AEST
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Info | Send
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I really liked this...well done!
Jeff |
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Re: If my thoughts could fly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Monday, 10th October 2005 @ 11:45:06 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| You're really stretching to find rhymes, and it gives the poem a very awkward feel. Also, you should proof-read these before posting, a lot of grammatical errors can ruin a good poem. Criticism aside, I like your use of imagery in the second and third stanzas. |
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