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Without You
Contributed by
anitajames
on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 10:56:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
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When you are gone, my life has no song.
The night lasts forever, and that's much too long.
My eyes lose their shine
like one who is blind.
No reason to search
when it's you I won't find.
My life has no hope.
Hung high on this rope that's threadbare and torn.
Threatening to drop me, I'm lost and forlorn.
A heart heavy with despair,
when I breathe there's no air.
Music with no sound
Birds without wings
Light with no warmth
All, and nothing
Life without love
Without you, it's true
This is all me, me without you.
Copyright ©
anitajames
... [
2005-10-08 22:56:28] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Without You
(User Rating: 1 ) by Dark_and_Cold on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 11:35:57 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I like your idea, and I can see where you were going with it, but your rhymes are too forced...it give your poem an awkward feeling. |
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Re: Without You
(User Rating: 1 ) by Eternal_Dreamer on
Monday, 10th October 2005 @ 12:05:30 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I agree with Dark on this one dearest Ann, but with a little amendment this poem will go a long way. Keep penning.
*hugs*
Sue
PS I praise you for the effort and time that you put into it. |
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