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Something Bright
Contributed by
spike
on
Friday, 7th October 2005 @ 09:12:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
I sifted through the piles of earth,
To find something of any worth
Straining my back in daily chores
(Fingers aching to the pores)
Eyes squinting for a sign, of
Something bright and hard and fine
Wondering if the search futile,
A needle in a burgeoning pile.
But there! amongst the rocks and soil
Reward for all this endless toil
A DAZZLING and vivid thing,
A gem to make the spirits sing
And here, a few flecks of GOLD!
In themselves not that bold
- But signs that nuggets are around,
Merely waiting to be found….
Sometimes I wonder what I seek
(My obsession has left me weak)
Turn Away! I know I should, but
I have the Fever, have it good
They’ll find my bones here, that’s for sure
Until then I’ve barred the door
Toiling through the day and night,
Hopeful for that something bright.
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2005-10-07 21:12:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 7th October 2005 @ 09:29:52 PM AEST
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What a delightful and cunningly crafted metaphor.....lol
Yes, spike, this was definitely of grand calibre. If I were
in search of the "something bright" (wonderfully
placed italics and bold, I might add), I certainly found it!
Clever write, spike. I thoroughly enjoyed this!!
~Breezy |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Flio on
Friday, 7th October 2005 @ 10:14:52 PM AEST
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| NICE POEM MAN! |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Friday, 7th October 2005 @ 11:01:05 PM AEST
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Hey, excellent write you've got here, I enjoyed it a whole lot. Your attention to rhyme was something that just added to the poem, as it wasn't any sort of strain to read. Your rhymes were great, and your thinly veiled metaphor just as much so.
You are, at the same time, so right in your conclusions :P Great stuff |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 12:22:15 AM AEST
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*grins*
A fine piece, this, and, ahh, I recognize the disease immediately. I'd like to say there's hope, but I know of none. Beyond, of course, the occasional findings of alchemical matter, and who needs more?
Nicely done.
Andrew |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 02:26:42 AM AEST
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I liked the style and loved the poem,
you sure wrote ...something bright!
good write.
coni |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by remote on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 03:33:10 AM AEST
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| The good thing about any quest is we always find exactly what we are looking for. |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dark_and_Cold on
Sunday, 9th October 2005 @ 01:19:59 AM AEST
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| Okay, I wish to call attention to excessive use of imagery relating to the male genitalia...see..."something hard and fine", "nuggets", and "bones". I'm going out on a limb here, but have you by any chance spent the night at a YMCA??? |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Sunday, 9th October 2005 @ 10:12:59 AM AEST
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Commenting on this on, Spike, is really rather easy. I'll just echo everything that Andrew said! : )
Similarly afflicted and searching for something gold,
~Snem |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Sunday, 9th October 2005 @ 12:00:49 PM AEST
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I had no dazzling rhymes nor eloquent commentary but this here lines reminded to me of the words written by Bilbo to depict Aragorn the ranger. In that great epic Lord of The Rings by the maestro Tolkien.
" all that is gold does not glitter,
not all those who wander are lost".
I do not know quite the why but it does ringeth true here. Mayhaps it is the sifting that you do that triggers the memory, of finding dazzling and shining good things within piles of refuse-like. Perhaps it is that referral to the futility of being captivated by the site but as Aragorn whose wanderings is not in vain, the times spent sifting through the debris of this site might be of some value indeed as you so cleverly pointed out.
Anyway it is a clever and cunning work herein both in design and in execution. To me at least it is an interesthing write. Just that your referrals that most of the poetry here is rubbish or dirt doth sting the heart..(LOL LOL).. sensetive poet aspirants we mostly are anyhow. Oh well but a worthy topic to depict at least. A clever play on puns contrite. A thousand applauses dear sir and to that I add adieu. |
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Re: Something Bright
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 14th April 2006 @ 01:30:05 PM AEST
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| First off, just observing the way ya wrapped the reader around your little finger to the hopefulness of somthin' bright, I betcha all of us enjoyed the wrappin'. SUPERB! |
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