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Speared (sonnet)
Contributed by
devilseye
on
Thursday, 6th October 2005 @ 12:00:16 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
Is this what it is supposed to feel like
My heart has been bent out of its old shape
You took a blow into it with a strike
Easy way out, you took a simple escape
Breaking my heart is a low way to go
Showing me the pieces after you’ve hit
Why would you do this now, did you not know
I didn’t know in you, you’d have the wit
Funny thing is I’d still take that bullet
But you wouldn’t take a bullet for me
If I was bleeding a death by your side
And only these three words would save my life
Would you even care if that day I died
The words I love you, would you twist the knife
Should a broken heart be such a riddle
Spear through my heart and cracks down the middle
Copyright ©
devilseye
... [
2005-10-06 00:00:16]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Speared (sonnet)
(User Rating: 1 )
by strider on
Thursday, 6th October 2005 @ 04:01:28 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
ok, this one needs to be looked at a second time, I think you havent had the time to go over this poem a second time and fine tune it.
The thoughts and lines are good but there is something with the way it is arranged. Take another shot at it, I bet you will come out with a better poem. |
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Re: Speared (sonnet)
(User Rating: 1 )
by crazy on
Saturday, 8th October 2005 @ 09:36:33 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| its a very understandable poem but it needs a lil work but i was moved when i was reading it .very expressionable |
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