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Her...
Contributed by
mccscratch
on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 08:06:15 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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heartless, careless and lost in this bleak place
wondering if she really does not miss my smiling face
desperately alone, into a bottomless pit i am falling
and hoping for a saviour but nobody answers my calling
she has cast a shadow on the only hope i once held
i tried oh so hard to keep my emotions for her quelled
fearfully aware that all that mattered is now gone
and knowing that all i couldn't ever do was move on
drained and now lifeless it still rests on my shoulder
minute by minute her burn somehow leaves it colder
while the beating has stopped i still feel the pain
and though my heart is now dead my anguish will remain
Copyright ©
mccscratch
... [
2005-10-05 20:06:15]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Her...
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 08:09:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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this is a very powerful emotional write.. you can feel the loss and the pain from being hurt awesome job i can totally relate in a way great job!!
JENNI |
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Re: Her...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zanobia on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 08:58:04 PM AEST
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gosh i really liked it
yor have a real gift for emotional stuff.
it was really powerful. |
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Re: Her...
(User Rating: 1 )
by classicfailedhero on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 10:06:58 PM AEST
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pretty good pretty neat
i like the morbid use of words |
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Re: Her...
(User Rating: 1 )
by OzChick on
Wednesday, 5th October 2005 @ 10:11:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Very emotional and powerful poem, well done.
However, when referring to yourself you should use a capital 'I' not lower case. Proper punctuation adds impact to the written word and with such an emotional poem I think you let yourself down on that score. I liked it though, well done. |
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Re: Her...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th October 2005 @ 12:39:54 AM AEST
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Wow!How I can really relate to this write. I really felt your pain and emotion as I read.
Thanks for sharing.
Take care,
Tim
:-) |
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