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A dream
Contributed by
discantbelife
on
Saturday, 1st October 2005 @ 05:07:57 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
|
I had a dream I said
Of what she said
That you were dead
Mommy she said
Yes i said
I am dead.
I'm sorry i said
I forgive you she said
Why i said
I know it wasn't you she said
It was he that lead
To what made me dead.
I forgive him i said
Why she said
When he doesn't regret me dead.
I love you i said
I know she said
But Mommy allow my memory to rest
Get the regret off your chest
I know this for you wasn't the best.
I miss you i said
But i'm okay she said
Now that i'm laying in God's bed.
Mommy she said,
Yes i said
Promise me to let go she said
I don't know how i said
I hear you praying at night she said
That i'm okay she said
but you and I both know it's that way
God and I have forgiven you
All i need is for you to forgive you too.
Copyright ©
discantbelife
... [
2005-10-01 17:07:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: A dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 1st October 2005 @ 06:41:04 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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I am saddened but impressed at how well you expressed yourself
here. I know it must've been hard to do. Wonderfully rendered
composition. I hope you CAN attain the forgiveness you seek....
*hugs*
~Breezy |
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Re: A dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by justkevi on
Monday, 3rd October 2005 @ 01:11:52 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I absolutely love how you rely on the reader to insert their own commas in for speech. Adding them would have disturbed the rhythm.
Nice job using the same rhyme without making it irritatingly repetitive. |
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