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Lovely are we
Contributed by
purplestary
on
Thursday, 29th September 2005 @ 12:56:37 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Lovely are they, the ones who dream
Ugly are we, the ones that scream
Do you think they know it's not our fault?
Will they ever realize the truth within?
Lovely are they, the butterflies
Ugly are we, the magots of lies
We bleed just like them, we hear what they hear
Our only difference exists in our eyes.
Lovely are they, the ones who believe
Ugly are we, the ones who decieve
How little they know, how distorted their vision
Sugar Plum Fairies, thats how they percieve
Lovely are they, who wear a mask
Ugly are we, who never will hide
What is underneath that plastic?
Are they grewsome and ugly, or simply the same?
Lovely are they, who sleep so soundly
Ugly are we, who toss and turn
They think they know what tomorrow brings
We know about the uncetanty brought today.
Copyright ©
purplestary
... [
2005-09-29 12:56:37]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lovely are we
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jackman on
Thursday, 29th September 2005 @ 01:35:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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purplestary, i agree with you that it could be a wonderful write; i really like the idea of the lovely/the ugly, and that the ugly know the truth. i think that a more consistant approach to the rhyming might finish it; for example, in the 2nd and 3rd verses, 3 of the 4 lines rhyme with each other, yet in the 4th verse none of the lines rhyme. The butterflies/lies/eyes is very effective, as is the believe/decieve/percieve rhyme. perhaps if you could manage to get that rhyme scheme into each verse it would make it perfect.
Hope that helps :) |
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Re: Lovely are we
(User Rating: 1 )
by JakerBaker88 on
Tuesday, 16th February 2010 @ 05:06:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I liked the message you were relating in this poem. I hope you come back to it because I'd love to read the finished product. |
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