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I Stood By You
Contributed by
pisces101
on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 01:50:57 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Remember everytime i graced the pages of your apologies
Remember everytime my heart cried out on her knees
Remember when you threw my tears in the trash can.
Remember this please
I stood by you
Remember the times you untied the laces on my dreams
Remember every time you ripped your promises at the seems
Remember everytime you cursed my prayers.
Remember this please
I stood by you
Remember the times I kissed the leftovers of your hate.
Remember everytime I let your foolish pride stand up straight
Remember everytime I gave YOU the last bite of my love
Remember this always
I stood by you
Remember all the love our stupid games made
Remember all the laughter we had after day
Remember everytime i said "i love you"
Remember this always
I stood by you
Copyright ©
pisces101
... [
2005-09-28 01:50:57]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I Stood By You
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 03:28:49 AM AEST
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a Message)
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An awesome write. Good work.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: I Stood By You
(User Rating: 1 )
by strider on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 06:02:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it. It's a good poem no doubt.
But I think you have a look at this line again
"Remember all the laughter we had after day"
Would'nt it be better if you said:
"Remember all the laughter we had all day"
Think about it, still a wonderful poem
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Re: I Stood By You
(User Rating: 1 )
by strider on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 06:02:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it. It's a good poem no doubt.
But I think you should have a look at this line again
"Remember all the laughter we had after day"
Would'nt it be better if you said:
"Remember all the laughter we had all day"
Think about it, still a wonderful poem
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Re: I Stood By You
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 28th September 2005 @ 01:11:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Ahhh! Repeating lines that work : )
I really like the style you wrote this in. It's unique and interesting. With lines like:
...You untied the laces on my dreams
and...
...I gave YOU the last bite of my love
It's a story of being 'duped' by love, that we're all familiar with, yet you gave it a creative spin. Well done!
Scorp. |
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