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no 1
Contributed by
mjiann
on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 09:24:13 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
In your eyes is
my peace of mind.
what ive longed to
see and find
do you see me here?
this dull color in a bright world.
will you give me your heart?
or will i stay cold
we've spoken in silence
and laughed out loud.
a beautiful summer night
with no passing cloud
the water is warm
and the sky gleams with grace.
the moon shines bright
and illuminates your face.
what lies ahead
as our paths fray.
will we converge again
or will my dreams of you fade away.
the wide world awaits
in all its majesty.
but i cant help to turn back.
is it me your eyes see?
Copyright ©
mjiann
... [
2005-09-21 21:24:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: no 1
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_boo on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 09:44:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I enjoyed reading this poem. The way you lay your feelings out in this poem is good. I enjoyed reading this poem. |
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Re: no 1
(User Rating: 1 )
by highly_flammable on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 09:51:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This was a poem that was really well written. I loved it! The phrases you used really drew me in. You're very good at details. Terrific job! Keep up the good work. |
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Re: no 1
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 11:17:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I think you've done well here. The imagery is good and original, and helps bring out the feeling. It does feel a little lacking in flow, like the images are not quite connected seamlessly... but that's a minor and only partly-convincing thought in my own head. Good work, and keep at it!
Andrew |
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Re: no 1
(User Rating: 1 )
by xLSDx on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 04:41:28 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I love it.
x3 |
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