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untitled ( i know thats a bad title but i dont know what to call it)
Contributed by
hardrocker15198916
on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 05:18:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
my stomach twinges with regret
pain inside that i cant forget
i get dizzy at the very thought
drenched in ice but still too hot
like a dream i need something real
if all i hide is what i feel
inspired by my ignaceous fears
passing all these foolish tears
hide me save me
make me smile
make me happy
for just a while
Copyright ©
hardrocker15198916
... [
2005-09-20 17:18:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: untitled ( i know thats a bad title but i dont know what to call it)
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 05:44:24 PM AEST
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a Message)
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it's very nice and rhymes well too. It leaves much to the imagination as to what is stopping you from being happy...but, it's very heartfelt and honest
i like the lines:
i get dizzy at the very thought
drenched in ice but still too hot
very strong dynamics
dw |
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Re: untitled ( i know thats a bad title but i dont know what to call it)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Misunderstood_gurl on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 07:56:31 PM AEST
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awesome! i loved it. my favorite part was this.
my stomach twinges with regret
pain inside that i cant forget
its so real to a lot of ppl especially me and i think that is an excellent way to start off your poem...keep it up! ^=^ |
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Re: untitled ( i know thats a bad title but i dont know what to call it)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 04:02:11 AM AEST
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This is a really thought inspiring piece. Perhaps the title will find it's way to you soon. Good work!
Be well,
Loende |
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Re: untitled ( i know thats a bad title but i dont know what to call it)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Wednesday, 21st September 2005 @ 06:59:12 AM AEST
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What you lack in the title, you make up in the body. I like it that you did not specify what it is that makes you feel this way, making it easier for the reader to relate the poem to with whatever may be happening in their lives.
Real "mosagge" rhyme!
~souLBro~ |
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