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Critical Condition
Contributed by
hauntedscorp
on
Monday, 19th September 2005 @ 08:00:58 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Anemic.
Bled out on paper
words spew like a bulimic
Straight talk, no chaser
Transfusion.
Take what you need
non-intrusive solution
Life's vitality freed
Rupture.
Nicked an artery
intricate structure
Death outsmarting me
Flatline.
Jump start my heart
pray to the divine
Body and soul depart
Copyright ©
hauntedscorp
... [
2005-09-19 20:00:58]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Monday, 19th September 2005 @ 08:44:03 PM AEST
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Great sentiments Scorp-
I think the last lione would be the good here-
a write on life, in the blink of an eye-
well marshalled thoughts and divinely wrriten-
Yours-
B |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 12:24:51 AM AEST
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Great write scorp straight from the soul and
stop 2 the heart along the way you always please your reader and write poetic gems.
(((((scorp)))))))
Ben |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 02:00:13 AM AEST
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Well, Scorperiffic, kinda hard to add to what Man_On_High & BenPapa already said. Definitely agree with them. It is an incredibly interesting write. Yes, indeed, you consistently please your readers. We applaud thee. :)
Tim |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Tuesday, 20th September 2005 @ 06:58:04 PM AEST
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Scorp a brilliant, flawless masterpiece you've written here dear friend. Talent at it best.
Time and time again u can always produce remarkable pieces of poetry that captive the reader. A remarkable and talented Miss u r indeed. You rock girl!
Hugs,
Sue, Dreamer |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 22nd September 2005 @ 04:55:41 PM AEST
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Hard to say any more since everyone else said it.Very soulful write
awsome job Scorpy.
love and hugs
 |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by tonydread on
Friday, 23rd September 2005 @ 01:23:53 AM AEST
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| Strong write....impressive write. so when u help me. i get many offer but make u best. |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by LostAmbition on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 02:51:25 AM AEST
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like a rebirth or end
of a chapter in life
great metaphors
hope ya heart heals:D |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Caged Soul on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 09:18:40 AM AEST
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It's kinda crazy cuz I dont really know what the piece is about, yet I totally love it.
I guess it's how you wrote the piece with so much conviction and drama that attracted me to it.
Much love and respect!
~souLBro~ |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alibi on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 11:40:11 AM AEST
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My dear hauntedscorp, this to me embodies facets of love, a broken heart, poetry, constricted feelings perhaps, and a change as well. This poem makes the reader think about the deeper meaning, and yet, you have these four strong words screaming out at the reader, drawing them in to your web of thought. Superb dear lady!
~Peace and Hugs~
AliBi.
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 01:13:26 PM AEST
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This is a fun poem to read. :) It is clever and creative as well. Your categories were also clever and obviously medically related. One could add PSYCHIATRIC, too confused to give a darn. :)
Well done, Scorp
Will |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 08:58:05 PM AEST
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| This is Good. You have applied your thoughts well to this poem |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Pisces101 on
Tuesday, 27th September 2005 @ 10:33:04 PM AEST
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i love how you gave the reader a heads up on what was to come. nice job scorp. look forward to reading more.
sarah |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 27th September 2005 @ 11:58:04 PM AEST
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I love all the definitions
Drained soul needing to be replenished with vitality, fighting a war, for self to survive, before it comes to the end...
Fantastic write, Scorp,
Powerful.. I like the way you arranged your words.. broken down, hopefully not your spirit..
Raquel Leah |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by sararose1950 on
Thursday, 29th September 2005 @ 08:52:56 AM AEST
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| loved this!!-reminds me of the old coffeehouse poetry-beatniks- oopsssss that comment shows my age- *smiles* amazing write indeed-very moving |
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Re: Critical Condition
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Thursday, 29th September 2005 @ 12:21:24 PM AEST
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This was awesome.. actually there is no words to describe it. It was really really good.... Great job
christina |
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