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Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	22-November 06:36:01 AEST

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every piece of me dieing

Contributed by hardrocker15198916 on Sunday, 18th September 2005 @ 07:36:14 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

everytime i look through my window
the reflection haunts my daydreams
trying to hide in my own little world
trying to be the one that was not seen

speaking only the words that people
only ever wanted to hear
but my vision was too foggy
my path was unclear

was i to be the one i never wanted to be
hiding in daylight and screaming in my dreams
facing the world with chill in my eyes
deep i was drowning in the brick heavy leaves

i was like autumn every piece of me dieing
lieing awake in torment not forgotten

Copyright © hardrocker15198916 ... [ 2005-09-18 19:36:14]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: every piece of me dieing (User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on Sunday, 18th September 2005 @ 10:21:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

after reading thru a million 'gooey' writes i'm
so glad i found yours!!

i really like your poem....
i totally understand what you are saying and i
love the way you've expressed it...

just one thing...the wording of the two first
lines in the second stanza.. using the
word 'only' so close together sounds a bit
odd. i've tried to have a think of a way to
reword it but can't.....still a great write tho.

i especially like the line "was i to be the one i never wanted to be." :)

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