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Last Words
Contributed by
WAE
on
Friday, 9th September 2005 @ 11:27:38 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I don't regret and neither do I cry.
It's time for me to say my last good bye
To love and hate, to truth and lie,
To my sweet earth, to beautiful, blue sky.
Copyright ©
WAE
... [
2005-09-09 11:27:38]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Last Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 9th September 2005 @ 09:41:19 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| excellent work here. i think that the fact you have 3/4 stanzas with 10 syllables, making the third line follow suit with that would be a good idea. your third line does have me irked however, because to truth is no sort of verb, and throws the poem, in my opinion, out of sync. your first 2 lines flowed extremely well, your third line was also good, but the use of commas in the 4th line i felt didnt really add any effect to the piece and made it seem devoid of words. i do wish this was longer because it was so good, but i do like the power you had in this, not many writers are up to that caliber of writing. many can write pages that have no effect on the reader, and just give reason to lose attention. if you keep this consistency you will be a great, and a great does not stifle their talent. =] |
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Re: Last Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 10th September 2005 @ 10:54:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Hmm that was too short, I was hoping to see more of it.
Non-the less I enjoyed reading your fine constructed poem. And yes I do agree with what Jennifer (Esentially9) is saying. The 3rd stanza seems to be off; just my opinion though.
Thanks for sharing this lovely write.
Jane~
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Re: Last Words
(User Rating: 1 )
by just-b on
Sunday, 11th September 2005 @ 08:20:21 AM AEST
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| very short but what an excellent write. |
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