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Asylum of my MIND
Contributed by
kerrah681
on
Friday, 9th September 2005 @ 04:12:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
So if I'm just a catastrophe, a fallen soul from grace, why do i feel so disengaged? By being so bold I've already conquered and told all my stories of evil and life in displace. Now I've come this far without using the stars, but a wish I'll make to know my fate. Why can't I know or see a glimpse of whats to come when life is gone.....Will I still wonder and not be convinced, will I always feel this discontent. Will the tears I've cried be washed away, will the hurt Ive caused be mine to stay? And could Hell for me be just that, all the pain Ive inflicted coming right back? If this was true, how about you, would you look back in regret at all the lives that you've wrecked, and would it be fear that causes this peer back into your past where all your secrets clash. Or would it be sincere that allthough through fear you'd feel remorse as you closed those doors and got back inside the crawlspace of your mind. Its a place to hide where nothing coincides,no feelings of demise, and no tears are cried. Can it be that I may just be a refugee to my own insanity and we are all on earth to merely uncover its worth? Are we supposed to be finding just what keeps us striving, and living in sin on our personal whims while taking it all in stride with the hopes to someday confide in something much greater than you and I'd find. Will I even make it till death here on earth, inside have I died or something much worse? Has my soul stood so cold for too long to be freed? Will I make it to Heaven in spite of my greed, in spite of me, inside this disease? Will I be freed? In hopes and dreams I see these scenes of a "happily ever after", and in the end will I just grin, with the closing of this chapter? Or will I dance with shadows black in an eternity for the wicked, will i stand there,without a care, take my demise not act surprised, become the demon thats in my eyes? Will I still feel all the pain inside, will it go away in the afterlife? Maybe Hell isn't so Bad, at least it'd be over, the shame and the pity,the hating to be sober. If Heaven's so full of the good not the evil then why do I tremble with these thoughts I could bleed through....... I ache for me, I ache to see what exactly will become of me, Just one lost soul, with an endless hunger to see the truth through what I can prove, of whom I can find, to see through my stained and weary cries. I cant take a thing when I leave this world, to Heaven or Hell or so Ive been warned. Ill take my mind, cant leave it behind, I want it to stay and just go away.....
Copyright ©
kerrah681
... [
2005-09-09 04:12:12]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Asylum of my MIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Friday, 9th September 2005 @ 09:06:19 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hmmm...Did you forget you posted this yesterday? lol |
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Re: Asylum of my MIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Sunday, 2nd October 2005 @ 10:49:52 PM AEST
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You have a lot of questions.
Your poem expresses to me a person searching for something to fulfill their life. (I have found answers for my life but they are not acceptable for all)
Your write is more like an essay than a poem. |
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Re: Asylum of my MIND
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 3rd October 2005 @ 07:13:07 PM AEST
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This is poetically written, since there are rhymes and slant-rhyming to distinguish it from prose. But it needs a couple of things, in my opinion.
First, it needs verses rather than one big block of text. It may work sometimes, but with the format of posts on this site it doesn't. It's a massive chunk of letters that many readers will not be brave enough to tackle. Lines give it a visual flow to accentuate the verbal flow. If you try to put it in verse, don't necessarily split at every rhyme, since end-rhyme is not the only important rhyme. Rhymes and sub-rhymes can occur throughout the verse. Verses should be split to identify with different ideas, and different important groups of words.
Second thing, this is a little too long. There are many questions, I know, and those you asked are all important, but there are too many for this piece. You need to take a careful look at it and decide which questions are the most crucial, and write in more depth on them, if you can.
Well, such is my sub-professional opinion. Heh. Keep writing.
Andrew |
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