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State of is
Contributed by
Caged Soul
on
Wednesday, 7th September 2005 @ 11:04:50 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
The state of is in which I gain my now
The state of being, leaving my forehead enfrowned
The enigma of self-exploration, meant to bring clearer vision,
instead causing further deviation from what society expects as the norm,
suggesting that I should conform my ideas to what I was informed by misleading mediators.
They spread their message of peaceful unrest, telling you to ignore the things that you adore for their life forevermore.
What they fail to say though is that with the birth of their divine ways comes the death of your suffocating soul, choking on the corrupted information circulating in your system. Filled to capacity, it can’t bear the load as you discard your self in order to gain their wealth.
You allow yourself to die
for universal expectance you are willing to try.
You dig yourself deeper, travelling to distant dimensions,
arriving at your destination with the dawn of the new order.
Each passing day, a new opportunity for you
to erase another piece of you.
You give, give, give- yet to receive.
In vein existing as you.
Where is that reciprocity as longed by your soul?
It’s tired of being cheated by the mind--
[YOU]
--forced to fiend for itself, or in failure find
death in facets all kinds.
In vein it calls
for help as it falls
further from you; deeper in you,
lost in the labyrinth, now slave to
their tongue slicker then bare talk.
Copyright ©
Caged Soul
... [
2005-09-07 11:04:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: State of is
(User Rating: 1 )
by WAE on
Wednesday, 7th September 2005 @ 02:58:40 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Well, you wanted to know reader's opinion and I happened to read your poem. The message of self-struggle, chasing the meaning of life, your peception of the world(reality) : that's what I have understood. However, you explained it in a very comlicated and twisted way, which makes your poem accesible only to a very narrow circle of readers. A critical suggestion: you start your writing as a non-rhyme piece then you inject a rhyming piece... I don't see the flow either. Another critical point is the over use of cliches...
Best wishes,
Alex |
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Re: State of is
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 24th September 2005 @ 08:29:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A splendid collection of social philosophies and convictions, presented with powerful tone and experimental rhyme schemes.
One question to you.
What is the 'norm'.
Yes, very well, we can indeed identify common values yet...the 'norm' may very well be abnormal.
And then it is the meaning of an over-abused word in which one is attempting to comprehend.
Yes I can relate to a receding identity.
My fault is that there was more than One to begin with.
I adore your thought-provoking pieces :)
Thank you for the stimulation. |
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