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Released but bound
Contributed by
dagonet
on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 05:30:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
The rocks and sand of an ancient time,
The degrading laws of a once forgotten crime,
Shadows and dust on a dying cry,
Fall to your knees and raise your hands to the sky,
The glint of the blade, the arc of the mace,
The blood of thine enemy soon I will displace,
Upon swift wings of death my fate will pass,
Cometh the beast to obliterate the mass,
Take up thine arms and strike another blow,
Upon the altar of judgement your soul will glow,
To destroy the boundary it must first progress,
To cause the world pain and then wallow in it’s distress,
A distant shot rings out in the now falling sky,
Upon the alter of judgement you openly lie,
To take your soul and release your mind,
In the beast’s temptation you release and unwind,
Grotesque imparisons of fallen grace,
Life recredeems at a demonic pace,
Now you destroy your faded humanity,
For your side hath fallen unto insanity,
Copyright ©
dagonet
... [
2005-09-06 17:30:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Released but bound
(User Rating: 1 )
by WAE on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 06:00:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| I read it a dozen of times but I still didn't see anything beyond abstract images and allusions. I don't understand the message if there is any except the author's flow of thoughts. |
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Re: Released but bound
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 08:56:40 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Excellent write!!!!
Your word imagery was amazing and I appreciated your use of wonderful english and the flow was fluent and poised.
I think you have done a great job, its a poetic gem!
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Re: Released but bound
(User Rating: 1 )
by WAE on
Wednesday, 7th September 2005 @ 11:38:45 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Hello once again,
Let me use your text to make some questions.
The rocks and sand of an ancient time,
The degrading laws of a once forgotten crime,
(What crime are you referring to...)
Shadows and dust on a dying cry,
Fall to your knees and raise your hands to the sky,
(an order given to who?)
The glint of the blade, the arc of the mace,
The blood of thine enemy soon I will displace,
(alter ego - enemy?)
Upon swift wings of death my fate will pass,
Cometh the beast to obliterate the mass,
(don't see logical conexxion with the previous stanza)
Take up thine arms and strike another blow,
Upon the altar of judgement your soul will glow,
(judgement of God?)
To destroy the boundary it must first progress,
(limits of one's soul?)
To cause the world pain and then wallow in it’s distress,
A distant shot rings out in the now falling sky,
Upon the alter of judgement you openly lie,
To take your soul and release your mind,
In the beast’s temptation you release (would consider replacement to avoid repet.)and unwind,
Grotesque imparisons of fallen grace,
Life recredeems at a demonic pace,
(These 2 lines are great!)
Now you destroy your faded humanity,
For your side hath fallen unto insanity,
(Seems to be forced..)
Sorry for ruthless dissecting...
If you want, send me an e-mail.
Good luck,
Sincerely yours,
Alex
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Re: Released but bound
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 22nd September 2005 @ 04:49:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A poetic gem is right.
This is awsome .
 |
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