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Sea of Depression
Contributed by
bobotheclown
on
Monday, 5th September 2005 @ 08:58:50 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Faces filled with sorrow haunt my every dream
Gaunt masks of forgotten remembrance
Pleading hands grasp for my face,
But even as I recoil in fear
The firmament is ripped before my eyes
Leaving me to stare into a vast expanse
As I fall, fall, fall to where the screams are located
Odourless oppression obscures my sight
Sadness envelopes my tired face
A vast nothingness fills my heart
Hearing only the shuddering screams
My soul is growing only colder
And emotion rapes shattered synapses
I am drowning as I never learned to swim
Drowning in this sea that I thought
I had left far behind
Thrashing and crying, but the lifeboats
Go only farther and farther away
I cannot go on like this
Pulled only deeper and deeper
The pieces do not fit and only one choice remains
I look down to where your wounded face screams (silently)
And I slip to where you sit in Despair's arms,
But I will free you from Death's embrace (that I promise)
And hold you until the end of time
You are my everything...
Copyright ©
bobotheclown
... [
2005-09-05 20:58:50]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 5th September 2005 @ 09:01:34 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Interesting. |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Monday, 5th September 2005 @ 11:35:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Brilliant!
Composed with such excellence and rapture...it really pulled me into the "sea"
Your choice of words were descriptive and I love the dark imagery....yea it is depressing but like you said the ending is astounding.
Excellent, you have promise! |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 04:11:30 AM AEST
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Vivid, is this.
However hard the assaults of darkness, I think you'll be one to prevail. Your writing shows a continual winning of ground, I feel.
Well done.
Andrew |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by emphaticplacebo on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 04:55:35 AM AEST
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This is a fabuluosly written poem, I got to tell you. Its pulls the reader in, making them feel what you feel; the anguish, the desolence and the final ideas of hope and promise. Your images (for example, Despair's arms) are painted with a vivid brush, and I really enjoyed reading it!
Dan |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 05:19:54 AM AEST
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Joel, I do hope she stops taking those things. Like i said before, she needs to stop for her sake.
I did love this poem though. You really do pour your heart in each poem you make.
Keep writing darling.
Jane~ |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 07:30:06 AM AEST
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I am very impressed with this piece!!!
The words are so well crafted together.
You tell a story here in such a way that holds the reader in your cleverly weaved lines.
Such emotion, such despair tho as you said not without hope.
An incredibly well done piece...again, I am so impressed!!!! |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 03:26:06 PM AEST
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*stands up and claps*
WOW. This is an excellent emotive write...The imagery is exceptional, and the feeling you wove into your words is not only deep, but remarkable.
Be very proud of this piece...Great job!!
Scorp. |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 04:34:15 PM AEST
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WHEEEEEEEEEE! ^.^ I mean... it is depressing, but it has a morbidly sweet and beautiful ending, cheri!! I absolutely loved it! *hugs* See? I commented on time! I think.... o.O. I hope everything is getting better for the both of you, my friend, :-). A heart-breaking masterpiece of poetic genius. As always, nothing to be surprised about when it is coming from you, ^.^. The last stanza is.... I can't emphasize it enough, honey... my god, it's just so perfect... Many kudos and standing ovations for you, cheri Joel!! Thank you so much for sharing, mon ami! And don't forget, I'm always here if ever you need a pair of ears to listen to your story. All my love and hope. Forever,
Your dear friend/avid fan,
~*Stephy*~ P.S.- Merci beaucoup for the lovely comments!! ^_^ |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Tuesday, 6th September 2005 @ 09:17:32 PM AEST
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| I was reading in the forum about you so I thought i would check you out and i think your poetry is grand. |
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Re: Sea of Depression
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 05:36:41 PM AEST
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Nice job Joel, I haven't had a chance to go on here until now as I
don't have internet in my dorm room yet, but thanks for mentioning
you had a new poem. Good work on this, I liked ending a fair bit,
though I'm not sure if it would have been strong without that
last line... it depends I guess on what you want though. But never
mind me, awesome job.
~Kara~~Waos~ |
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