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Another page torn from a journal

Contributed by RainDancer2005 on Saturday, 3rd September 2005 @ 08:27:30 PM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

.....he goes behind his girlfriend's back and tells all my friends that he misses me and he still loves me. Lying *******. He says all these words while he sleeps with my sister's best friend!!!! I will admit that I had and still in ways have very strong feelings for him. But that is the stupid, blind part of me talking. She just called my sister and told her they were getting ready to sleep together, yet again. The only way I know this is because my sister said "Fine if you get pregnant, then don't come crying to me!" He tells my cousin he wants me to call him but I no longer want anything to do with him. I'll admit that I was hurt at first but I'm getting over him. I know I need to talk to him and I know it's not going to be easy. But he needs to know. I don't know....... I don't know what to think, what to do. He's just like any of the rest of the guys; lying, cheating. I hate myself for falling for him!!!

Copyright © RainDancer2005 ... [ 2005-09-03 20:27:30]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Another page torn from a journal (User Rating: 1 )
by trini on Saturday, 3rd September 2005 @ 08:51:34 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

to make your words stronger you need more structure. the words need to flow. there isn't need for all the words inbetween. instead of "He tells my cousin he wants me to call him but I no longer want anything to do with him"
perhaps
"to my cousin he shouts
for me to forgive
and to give in
but i no longer desire his presance"

its a bit of a streach from what you wrote but you get the point. if you need any more help, im here. keep up the good work.
-trini

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