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see in me
Contributed by
hardrocker15198916
on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 07:55:08 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
You make a very good point my friend
my dreams may take me till the end
and then soon the world would see
the deeper side inside of me
closer to the core you get
so far you havent let go yet
but it is scary how much one can care
dream it up but a failure to dare
and seeing as it wouldnt be right
right in the mind or right in blind sight
creeping in my thoughts the guilt is to haunt
something in me i never did want
you have a good excuse my friend
but i will walk with you hand in hand
and hopefully one day i will see
how much you really see in me
Copyright ©
hardrocker15198916
... [
2005-09-01 19:55:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by trini on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 08:18:45 PM AEST
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very nice write. just a suggestion. maybe change
"so far you haven't let go yet."
to
you haven't let go since we've met
wish we all could see what others see. its absurd what other people think of you. well keep up the good work
-trini |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 08:32:31 PM AEST
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wow this is really cool
love this :D |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Thursday, 1st September 2005 @ 09:08:50 PM AEST
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i very much enjoyed reading this self-reflection...you conveyed your feelings of inadequacy exceptionally well...........something everyone feels..
isnt it brilliant tho that there is ALWAYS someone who sees the best in us?....i think it is anyway lol
Good write. |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Friday, 2nd September 2005 @ 03:30:56 AM AEST
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I like the air of reflectiveness about this, and the manner in which you wrote it, which evokes thoughtfulness. Nicely done!
Andrew |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loende on
Friday, 2nd September 2005 @ 06:01:47 AM AEST
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Indeed, as my esteemed rabblerouser says, you have evoked a quiet reflectiveness that is very clear. It is something that makes usemuse... what do others see... A very good write.
Loende |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 2nd September 2005 @ 10:25:42 AM AEST
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| I agree with trini's suggestion as far as flow is concerned because other than that the poem flows nicely. There is food for thought here definitely. For the individual and for those around them. Nice work. Chris. |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by just-b on
Saturday, 3rd September 2005 @ 08:36:22 AM AEST
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| you nailed your words exceptionality well ! a great read |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 06:47:06 AM AEST
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Its like the more I look at they get better and I had to read this one because you had so many comments. It was very well worded a very good choice of words that made it flow very nice and made it a good easy read for the reader. I really like this stanza
and seeing as it wouldnt be right
right in the mind or right in blind sight
creeping in my thoughts the guilt is to haunt
something in me i never did want
Very powerful and very well written girl. Keep up the writes and know they are much enjoyed whether you get a lot of comments or not. Take care and I’ll talk to you sometime soon….Steve
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Pyrofungus on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 08:54:15 PM AEST
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o i wish i could see what others see in me. then they say that one day you will. i believe that. we slowly are able to see ourselves as time passes by and we watch ourselves more carefully as of course our mind is so curious.......right.....?
summer |
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Re: see in me
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 12th September 2005 @ 09:01:49 PM AEST
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this is beautiful.....
hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:- |
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