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Down came the rain
Contributed by
Flyinglow
on
Tuesday, 23rd August 2005 @ 01:36:55 AM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
You shoot me
In the heart
Its getting black
Its getting dark
I’m in shock
I look up and plead
Looking for reason
As I lay there and bleed
You just watched me
As I Struggled for air
As I coughed up some blood
From the lung with the tear
Our eyes locked
Mine filled with tears
Yours filled with the hate
That soon reached my ears
As if to wash away the tears
Down came the rain
It might clear the blood
But it won’t heal my pain
And I look away from you
My tears mix with blood
I try to get up
But fall with a thud
You walk away
Cause it’s well known
That my number one fear
Is dying alone
As I bleed on my jacket
The one that you gave me
I hear the sirens
But no, they won’t save me
My mouth cracks a smile
And my jaw opens wide
Releasing the soul
That was trapped inside
As the paramedics rush up
There’s one thing to do
I look at their faces so
My last vision, isn’t you
Copyright ©
Flyinglow
... [
2005-08-23 01:36:55]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Down came the rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by lil_angel on
Tuesday, 23rd August 2005 @ 01:42:01 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| You have a raw talent....Great job! |
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Re: Down came the rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on
Tuesday, 23rd August 2005 @ 01:50:35 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
you do have talent and it is raw you could have worked on the rhymes i little more given them more thought
other than that i thought it was an amazing and very sad right that i feel li have been in many times before |
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Re: Down came the rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 23rd August 2005 @ 02:49:06 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Oh wow, this was a beautiful poem, I loved the feelings you expressed through out it, and the ending really kicked it off, the ending made me feel the pain in the heart. SLipSiX. |
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Re: Down came the rain
(User Rating: 1 )
by THEL0STDREAMER on
Tuesday, 23rd August 2005 @ 05:20:04 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow.. raw emotion and talent. you're right.. our style is similar but i see a couple differences, but that's writing, right? great write.. i could feel teh emotion from beginning to end.
----~ larisa |
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