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Another World
Contributed by
daprdan
on
Sunday, 21st August 2005 @ 01:20:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
spiritual
|
There is a world outside our own,
It's there we go when we go home,
It's where we go when we're not here,
Where memory is crystal clear,
Encompassing all the lives we've led,
All the truths all the dread,
All our thoughts n' feelings felt,
All the prayers when we have knelt.
All the friends, neighbors, and more,
Even when we closed the door,
The time we helped a cherished friend,
Or we helped a heart to mend.
Kindred souls out on a limb,
Bring us back from this worlds whim,
Helping others lead the way,
For our return to him some day.
Time goes by this life will pass,
And home again we'll be at last,
To judge our life this time around,
And see if we return this ground.
Our life here on our cherished earth,
Begins and ends with our birth,
We left behind our rightful place,
To start anew in this worlds space.
We have chosen time spent here,
To learn emotions triumphant cheer,
Added to our knowledge learned,
Combine to make duality earned.
Hopeful that this time's the last,
We'll decide if we have passed,
And then it's on to home again,
Where this world ends the new begins
Copyright ©
daprdan
... [
2005-08-21 13:20:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Another World
(User Rating: 1 )
by Evshrug on
Monday, 19th September 2005 @ 02:07:00 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The pleasing rhythm speeds the reader through the piece, and I also liked how the rhyming reads really naturally.
A few of the earlier lines felt formulaic with how only a few words change, but it doesn't bother the overall experience of the poem.
You seem to have A LOT of experience with words, and it shows, though everyone else who reads this will have already guessed that before the end. I hope to find the time between classes and homework to read the rest of your work. Keep workin'!
I felt that the homeplace was a mental construct at first, you know, a happy place, but that shifted towards a view of the afterlife and heaven. It's great that we both have views of home and what to look forward to (or for), and even though you probably didn't intend it when you commented on mine, the play between them is interesting, don't you think? |
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Re: Another World
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Sunday, 2nd October 2005 @ 10:30:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A smooth, mystical blending of themes of reincarnation, karma and heavenly reward, very close to my own beliefs. I read it a few times to fix the rhythm, but once I did that I enjoyed this piece even more. Good write.
Spike |
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