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Madness
Contributed by
Satine07
on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 10:09:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
psychoticpoems
|
I’m alone
Surrounded by shadows
They whisper words I want to deny
The hatred in my heart grows
They tell me people think I’m crazy
And that my life is made up of lies
The people see right through me
And ignore my silent cries
Different voices fill my mind
Thoughts of reality begin to scram
I lose control and wander into the night
By morning I won’t remember who I am
Or what I’ve done.
Copyright ©
Satine07
... [
2005-08-19 22:09:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 11:34:47 PM AEST
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a Message)
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First of all welcome to YPDC. I enjoyed the write especially the last stanza.....
"Different voices fill my mind
Thoughts of reality began to scram
I lose control and wander into the night
By morning I won't remember who I am"......
I hear you, Peace, Laura
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stellar on
Friday, 19th August 2005 @ 11:51:34 PM AEST
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I agree with Laura, the last stanza is the best.
I really enjoyed your poem and hopefully there will be more soon.
Welcome.
Lizzie |
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 12:40:30 AM AEST
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An interesting first post. You pen desperation well. Well done.
Welcome to your new site! Enjoy, and please stay for a long time.
Take care.
Looking forward to more,
David |
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 04:01:40 AM AEST
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'Well done'
'great write'
and welcome friend..
but I disagree..
with those who think the last stanza's best..
(especially 2nd line of last..)
"Thoughts of reality begin to scram"
...this to me, is forced..and doesn't work well at all..
(no worries though, I make a habit of speaking my mind..lol)
it literally sounds like you're forcing the rhyme with that line..
Anyway-
welcome, but remember, it is the WRITTEN word..our art- (Poetry)
Sincerely..
Billy |
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by twobabies on
Saturday, 20th August 2005 @ 10:31:06 PM AEST
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| I agree that that 'scram' does seem to be a forced rhyme but hey you gotta do what you gotta do and I don't think it hurt your poem at all. Great first poem to put on the site.Thanks for joining and sharing. |
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Re: Madness
(User Rating: 1 )
by hellsfallenangel on
Tuesday, 6th December 2005 @ 10:29:48 AM AEST
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its a very good write for ur first on here write more i want to see what u can do ttyl bye bye
DEMON A.K.A ABBAON |
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