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--Unnamed (any ideas?)
Contributed by
lickalolipop
on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 05:56:56 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
I try to simplify and draw the lines
between reality and another place in time..
Eyelids shut, Open wide
As you suffacate me..drown me and..
I can feel you creeping,
Nearing faster than I'm breathing,
I toss and turn, but that hasn't stopped you yet.
I wake up screaming, It's so quiet it hurts
Now it seems your leaving, but it's only just begun.
I'm wasting away, my weakness begins to show
I wake up screaming, I'm alone.
Copyright ©
lickalolipop
... [
2005-08-06 17:56:56]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 05:59:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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how about -- "Drawing Lines"
This is a good write even if you didn't know why you wrote it :) |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by LickaLolipop on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 06:01:58 PM AEST
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Drawing Lines..
That could work!!
haha thanks, I just got bored last night and wrote.
And that is what came out, It's somewhat morbid
But It's all good :) |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by xfaggotx on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 06:11:22 PM AEST
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wow.
that was...
that was just wow....
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 06:51:04 PM AEST
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| Good write. How about "I'm alone". It seems such a profound statement there at the end of the poem, kind of summing in all up. Well done, Peace Laura |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by LickaLolipop on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:02:24 PM AEST
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Well I'm glad you guys like it :P
haha |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by AshRayne on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:04:28 PM AEST
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| i'm not going to tell you what to call this poem, for it wouldn't be your own idea, and that throws the whole thing off. i can give you some tips however, that is if you want them. think about what this poem makes you think of. try to incorperate a part of the poem, or just leave it untitled, and use the first line. either way, your poem is good, it touched me. |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by eros on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 07:12:23 PM AEST
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| Nice write, much enjoted!! |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 09:30:05 PM AEST
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I'm not sure "nightmare of my dreams" comes to mind. Something evil is pursuing you in this poem.
Great write |
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Re: --Unnamed (any ideas?)
(User Rating: 1 )
by sukalaa on
Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 12:51:25 AM AEST
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Great read, dark but great poem. I don't know what to call it but maybe ""Mysterious night"" just a thought
Best of luck. |
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