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my situation
Contributed by
deepviolet
on
Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 03:56:43 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
the months drip by
seem longer than they are
you'd think with the time that passes
i'd be different, smarter
but i'm not it seems
i am still awkward around strangers
i am still searching for a love though i've been alone for years
the worst part is the pity i feel for myself
sorrow because it never seems to end
every couple of months i focus in on another older man
i know i'll never go up to him and break the ice
i simply gaze and wish as hard as i can that i will turn out happy
my psychic friend has read me
he said i will not turn out like a silly housewife who marries the rich man so she can have weekly manicures
i stopped him here, he answered my one question
that was my wish, not to turn out like the sort of women he reads every day
he is the only one who can see inside me
but he is not real, he is in an instant message
and nowhere else
my latest attention is on my uncle
my sweet generous uncle
only the stars know why he bears his terrible wife and mother-in-law
he deserves better, but he still loves her
so he does not divorce
same as his sister, my mother
she is married to an angry person, not violent
but violence doesn't matter, it is the mental scarring that is what remains forever
forever in myself and my sisters
yet she does not divorce because she thinks we need his money and she still loves him
she doesn't understand that money is irrelevant
we are old enough now that it doesn't matter what happens
but if she could have seen past the silly doubts she still hangs on to
we would all be better off today
but those are things i cannot change
i focus now on my future
i search not for riches, fame or perfection
all i want is beautiful love and happiness
i hope it's not too much to ask for
Copyright ©
deepviolet
... [
2005-08-05 03:56:43] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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