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Emotion
Contributed by
anitajames
on
Thursday, 4th August 2005 @ 12:04:47 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
My eyes you have blackened
my heart you turn cold
my body made frigid
with no love to hold
my words become scalpels
with no cut too deep
quit making promises
and go back to sleep.
Copyright ©
anitajames
... [
2005-08-04 12:04:47]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 4th August 2005 @ 02:28:02 PM AEST
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| Okay this was a good short poem, though it through off when you wrote Quit making promises and going back to sleep, what was he promising? Just curious. Good write though. |
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Re: Emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by anitajames on
Thursday, 4th August 2005 @ 04:37:06 PM AEST
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| thank you for the critique. Promises such as I love you, I'm sorry, I'll never hurt you (not physical hurt) again. Many times in a marraige, the only quiet place to have a discussion is in bed....so quit making promises and go back to sleep. This is the first poem I ever wrote, must have been about 7 years ago. |
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Re: Emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 9th August 2005 @ 12:44:21 AM AEST
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Anita -- I've just finished reading through everything that you've posted thus far. I'm quite impressed with your ability/willingness to put it on the page. Your poetry will be relatable to some, moving to many and impactful to anyone that has a heart. Keep writing... I'm planning to keep an eye on your page.
Welcome to YPDC, by the way! I hope it is for you what it has been for so many of us --- a sanctuary and a place to find comfort and friends.
~Snemmy |
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Re: Emotion
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 14th September 2005 @ 02:53:39 AM AEST
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Hi! Thanks for your comment. Those were among my favorite lines too.
This is good for a first poem. The rhyme and especially the rhythm, are really good. Though it's short, it says all it wants to.
I figured I'd start here and read through your work, so here I am.
Take care.
David |
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