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waiting for you
Contributed by
solosoul
on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 01:33:44 AM in AEST
Topic:
SecretLove
|
no longer who i was before
falling into a position that can make
me hurt forever more. i just want to
be the one whom which you turn.
to hold you tight when your hurt
or even scratch your thumb. when i
heard you cry my heart shattered
knowing nothing i can do. you wont let
me so it doesnt even matter. tell me
what to do i just want to take care of you.
you been hurt so much in the past.
wont let me in maybe im going to fast.
so what ill do ,control my feelings
my heart at risk thats what im willing.
to make you happy is what i wished
on a star tonite. wished with all my soul
on the brightest one i had in site.
always a heart thats true but now
its gone from me to you. take care of it
as i have done because you have two
and i have none. this is my chance
so please dont leave. and ill show you
i can love you best. i pray you stay to see.
the other side of me for the first time
im trying to be. time ill give you all you need
ill wait forever my love is yours and forever pure.
to myself is where it will stay . untill i know
you feel the same way. so ill say goodnite
thats it for now .my heart you captured your work is done
take a bow
Copyright ©
solosoul
... [
2005-08-03 01:33:44]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: waiting for you
(User Rating: 1 )
by BlindRomantic on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 01:43:22 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| Beautiful write. I truly love it! |
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Re: waiting for you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 02:02:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| A great write... I think it's important to let feelings like this out and you did it in the form of a beautiful poem... well done |
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Re: waiting for you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 13th August 2005 @ 07:53:43 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| beautiful; hope it works out |
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Re: waiting for you
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 28th December 2005 @ 08:40:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Some sweet sentiments...sounds like you're happy. As for suggestions; I noticed some typos and spelling errors throughout, so you'll probably want to double check your poem the next time you go to post. Plus, try breaking up your write into stanzas...let your words breathe a little, instead of all being clumped in together. It gives your poem a crisper look, and if done properly, adds depth to your words/feeling. I enjoyed this happy-type read though. Keep it up!
Scorp. |
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Re: waiting for you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Monkeybones99 on
Monday, 6th February 2006 @ 06:26:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I agree with scrop. you need to let them breath but I found this poem refreshing and in the line where it says time ill give you all you need should say in time ill give you all you need but again a very refreshing poem. |
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