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Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
Contributed by
mangos
on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 08:48:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
The alarm sounded
But no body listened
No one flinched
They were memorized
Immobilized
By what they had witnesses
All we know is that
It was never here before
Why go backwards
Something out of this world
Alien in nature
Far from absurd
A test case
Easily observed
A simple experiment
To see what I have learned
What is the concern
With a mouth facing down
A face fitting the mask
Prognosis obscures the fact
The findings were unprecedented
The laboratory in the basement
Torture chambers that represented
Too much anger interjected
Taboo stranger over confident
Tap your finger if you cant take it
And here the train stops
The whistle blows you to the tree tops
Higher then the birds
Practicality in words
Melodramatic
Your own epidemic spreads uncontrolled
Histrionic from depressed to manic
Clogged to salvaged
Waste taken and reworked into magic
Musical notes
Send no disparage
I am no villain
I agreed to no such marriage
_____________________________
___________________
Copyright ©
mangos
... [
2005-08-02 20:48:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 09:20:10 PM AEST
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*ignores ghastly title* 8 )
Wow this is some very impressive expression! You're telling a story here, and it's very captivating to say the least...Your writes always give off such incredible, and diverse imagery, which I enjoy very much : )
Yet another one with really good flow. You carry off these 'almost' rhymes quite well, which is not something many do well in poetry...
Great job with this piece!!
Scorp. |
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by vibes2go on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 09:43:32 PM AEST
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| this was a really good write and i enjoyed reading it immensly |
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 11:12:02 PM AEST
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| impressive bit of work here. i agree completely with scorp on this one. i really thought the rhythm was the best in this, and just how you told the story of the poem so well. |
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 11:24:13 PM AEST
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Well, poet... you certainly got my attention with this piece! This, I believe, is the first I have read from you (welcome to YPDC, by the way!) - but I seriously doubt it will be the last.
This is simply terrific. Scorpilla's right... you do near rhyme very well (and... near rhyme IS rhyme). The flow of this is lifted by both your well placed use of near rhyme and by the insertion of several fabulous expressions/lines. There is so very much of this that I could highlight - but if I had to extract one line, I think it would be "The whistle blows you to the tree tops"... as that alone speaks volumes about the moment. You did an extraordinary job putting this on the page --- and your conclusion is terribly potent. Well, well done!
Oh and... your title did not put me off entirely, but it did seriously mislead me. It would make a good author's note... but (just my personal opinion)... I think this piece deserves more (in title, I mean).
Very impressed,
~Snemmy~
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 12:43:45 AM AEST
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Well you are great with word visuals. The title brought me in so I would not change it. I actually loved it. I was watching PBS this evening in my p.j's about the dinosaur extinction theory. Very good. I hope you didn't miss it. I will try boxers next time. Could I interest you in making a donation to keep us on the web?
Have a great evening, you wonderful poet you.
Rita
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by vibes2go on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 01:04:18 AM AEST
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| I just don't get it .. but that's just me .... sorry.... |
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Re: Sitting in my boxers, watching PBS
(User Rating: 1 )
by brokenwings on
Wednesday, 3rd August 2005 @ 03:01:32 AM AEST
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not what i expected, far better than what i expected, this was a very good poem
tasha |
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