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Your Game
Contributed by
breny
on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 05:51:35 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
My heart was a contest
Our love--just a game
Your feelings were bogus
Your excuses are lame
I was played like the cards
In a fifty-two deck
Is she your next victum,
Your next life to wreck?
You'll claim to love her
Like you once loved me
Then leave her all alone
and move on to girl three
You are a monster
With no feelings or heart
You'll make the girls fall
Then tear them apart
You'll have many more chances
much more than three
But I'll tell you this, buddy
Don't come running back to me!
Copyright ©
breny
... [
2005-07-31 17:51:35]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by LolaWhite on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 05:55:21 PM AEST
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Good for you! A good strong write...I'm sure it feel good to get those emotions out on paper too. Your poem had great rythym and flow and they were strong words of emotion that I could feel in every line. Good write.
LW |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by fireispassion on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 06:18:06 PM AEST
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this is a really really real poem and i admire your writing. you did a spectacular job!!
fireispassion :>) |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by PoeticLicense on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 08:39:32 PM AEST
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Well, to be entirely truthful, there wasn't much in this that reached out and grabbed me and said "poetry!". It's your lingering bitterness toward a person. I'm sure what the person did was bad, but you posted six poems in a row on this same theme. And it happens to everybody who dates early, it's what you have to put up with if you choose to do it.
Your poetry would be improved by reading more, and writing more in other subjects. too many young writers paralize themselves by making this exact subject their single theme.
I hope you don't take this as mean, it wasn't meant to be. Just my advice. Keep writing. |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 08:40:02 PM AEST
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| This was a very good poem it was so real, I can relate to this, only it is the other way around, that is how I felt with my last girlfriend, but that is over now, I am over her, thus I have remained happy. I loved the perfect rhyming scheme that you kept through the whole poem itself, very good. Keep up the great work. SLipSiX. |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by vibes2go on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 11:15:34 PM AEST
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| lame and game are so ... over used .. and so am I .. so pay no attention. I merely read and comment because I have to. Go read my $hit and insult me now .. I feel like I want to be beaten so I can cry .. |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 11:42:57 PM AEST
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Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwooo, u go girl!
Very good write.
huggs, big smiles,
emy
A masterpeice. |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by brokenwings on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 03:30:27 AM AEST
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this was good, i enjoyed it very much, and your right they do come back, but keep strong, my ex did the same to me and came back just this afternoon to find someone new in his place. just be strong love can be a wonderfull thing,
but you wrote your emotions very well
tasha |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 07:46:36 PM AEST
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wow this is perfection in every shape and
form, and real, 2 real to be just a poem, u
nailed this sukcker and deffinately nailed
who it was intended 4 . . .
(((((breny))))))
Ben |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by Writting_Fever on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 10:09:23 PM AEST
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| Nice confidence. way to be a strong woman |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Saturday, 6th August 2005 @ 12:53:36 AM AEST
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| Bravo! This is by far the best I've seen from you, your improvement in finding things to rhyme with and the way you've structured each line was excellently done. Honestly...it was your best write so far and just....wow. lol. I'm at a sort of loss for words, but the ending had an impact, the beginning made me care, and the middle proved me right. It was just so well done Brenna, I think I'll stop typing and just clap now... :P |
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Re: Your Game
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Friday, 12th August 2005 @ 05:02:03 PM AEST
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*Claps* that was pure brilance at it's best. I loved this poem and that nature of the write.
Although the stanzas lacked some other words etc. I still found it to be a really strong peice of writing.
Well done and hope to see more of it.
Jane xoxox |
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