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Suburban Souls
Contributed by
Man_On_High
on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 05:37:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
Shall we go and sit by the river
at dusk, in peace under a peaceful moon..
where thoughts fall as cool leaves
beyond the barbed wire fence of words?
Let us leave the city..
and these little stone habitats
of pin striped people:
twilight lovers of much
knowledge and little faith;
weary time killers,
killing youth and hope..
making laborious love
under electric sun
in electric time.
Ass kissing and arid ambition..
soapbox demigods
of mangled moralities,
with their little household security,
swivel chairs, trimmed lawns and trimmed lust-
detached suburban souls
their weekends away from home,
in whose martinied mouths, love is a snicker.
It's scattered about from bedroom to bedroom
in contraceptive secrets and pregnant wallets..
dull debauchery, and deluded sense.
Shall we go, lest we become
more than monotonous, and end
not in hate but with comeuppance?
Let us go and sit by the river
in the dusk, under a peaceful moon..
where the water is clear-
as the mind never is.
M.O.H.
Copyright ©
Man_On_High
... [
2005-07-31 05:37:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 06:37:50 AM AEST
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Great job Billy! You are the second poet I'm saying this to tonight, but it's true---you have reached a new plateau in your writing...This is emotionally charged, filled with disgust over something that irks me too....Yuppie conformity in all it's tackiness: ) Right down to the accepted 'thought process' that should be embraced---NOT! You have some killer lines in this write, and I like how you open and close with the same lines, but add that cutting twist at the end. Here's my favourite part:
"Swivel chairs, trimmed lawns, and trimmed lust-
detached suburban souls
their weekends away from home,
in whose martinied mouths, love is a snicker.
It's scattered about from bedroom to bedroom
in contraceptive secrets and pregnant wallets"
Fantastic!!
Scorp. |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by bethie on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 12:06:11 PM AEST
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| I like this very much. It's a sentiment that mirrors my own. |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 03:01:02 PM AEST
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Billy
Another amazing write , very deep and thought provoking. It is something I have never been good at (conformity) just like the Rush song "Subdivsions" says conform or be cast out!! Love this write!
Leia36 |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 07:19:47 PM AEST
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Magnificent........................................10 stars to this write. Ppl forget you can live, just fine, with out all the .....crap!
Too many spoil, and are spoiled. very , very good write.
Brew~ |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 08:39:18 PM AEST
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Billy very beautiful write I just love it
where the water is clear as the mind never is awwwwwww ok Im coming to the river miss that very much:) |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by that_gypsy_fire on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 11:38:22 AM AEST
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"Let us leave the city..
and these little stone habitats
of pin striped people:
twilight lovers of much
knowledge and little faith;"
Wow.. this is such an amazing piece. You have such talent.. such a way with words. great job! |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 06:56:55 PM AEST
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" of pin striped people" beautiful, love that
line, a murel of perfection, as would be
exspected from a rustic poet of the earth
such as your self, beautiful peice of writting
Bill . . .
Ben |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Monday, 1st August 2005 @ 09:57:04 PM AEST
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Wow....dear Billy you're words do hold such sad truth.
You are very brave for bringing this to light.
I agree with every thought....they live in a seperate world to us.
This piece was astounding, a revolution really. |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Eternal_Dreamer on
Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 09:16:57 PM AEST
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A thought provoking piece of poetry with so much truth behind the lines. Each time I read ur work it just seems to get better and better. You have the natural ability to express yourself so well with ur words. That is a true gift within itself my friend.
Hugs,
Dreamer |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 01:33:24 AM AEST
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I like the strength and eloquence! This is written with real force. And I've always deeply agreed with such criticisms of the façaded emptiness of the modern life.
Well said!
Andrew |
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Re: Suburban Souls
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 12th July 2006 @ 06:56:56 PM AEST
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Good God! I think you've just described my office environment!!!
lol
seriously ... there are far more monetary-driven individuals than not.
And that is a sad truth in today's society. What you have captured
in this particular write, sweets, is the essence of all that is corrupt
in this world. Sad... so sad. In fact, I find this more sad than any lost love
poem I have read. Poor misguided individuals who have no sense of
what is really and truly beautiful. What happiness .. and the actuality of
that realizaion, can be. And to top it off, these material-driven souls actually have
the audacity to think that more equates with better [on a social scale]. Pitiful ..
I love the way your mind works
adoringly, and admiringly yours!
~Breezy |
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