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pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
Contributed by
paul_x_walker
on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 12:14:52 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
pain doesn't hurt
when its all i'v ever felt
i never thought that this would happen to me
i never thought id end up this way
like im some kind of enemy
never a friend to me
so look what you did to me
you got the best of me
and now I'm stuck with all the rest
it will never be the same oh i try to be normal
i try to put one foot in front of the other
and i fail
you don't even know i'm alive
i open my mouth cause i'm waiting for your love to fall from the sky
you build up walls no one can climb
the things you do should be a crime different life form
different species someday you will find the place
it's a place where love takes over hate
then you'll see all the things you do
affect everyone around you
Copyright ©
paul_x_walker
... [
2005-07-30 00:14:52]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by paul_x_walker on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 12:18:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i suck at poems read rejected its alot better
heres the link
http://www.your-poetry.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=97387 |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 12:23:40 AM AEST
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hmmm Jennifer i thought this was very good for a 12 year old.by the no more ewww on my poems
love mom |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 12:58:29 AM AEST
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I think you are doing great. I could not have begun to write a poem at your age. What comes from one's heart is poetry. It is the ones who have to force it that aren't poets. I think you should keep writing and just see where the road will take you. If nothing else it can help relieve anxiety.
Smiles,
 |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 01:14:06 AM AEST
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| this was a good concept. i think you could have cleaned up a few parts, but sometimes cleaning up is shortcutting the rawness. |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by sarankrish on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 02:05:08 AM AEST
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| Need to improve a lot |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by juliette on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 03:05:01 AM AEST
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Are you really 12 years old? You have to respond and let me know! Asuming you are 12, I started writing right about your age and felt many of the emotions your poem expresses......I think you have done a damn good job for a 12 year old and anyone reading this who knows your age will be impressed! Thanks for sharing!
juliette
P.S. - The only improvement needed is maybe towards the end of your poem. You were going really strong there and then it kind of slacked off......I am saying this, because I challenge you to fix it and post the "newer" version and just blow everyones mind! LOL By the way, my endings are always weak, I even state that they are most often when I post. It is hard to keep a poem "on topic" when it comes time to close it down. Start with the line "I open my mouth" and rewrite it from there........you don't have to rhyme, just remember to keep it flowing as in the beginning.
Goog job girl, whether you fix it or not! |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 04:31:21 AM AEST
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ya im 12 thanks for commenting on my poem
you should read all my other poems to you might like them |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by paul_x_walker on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 04:35:15 AM AEST
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| SORRY MY MOM FORGOT TO LOGOUT AND I ENDED UP USEING HER USER NAME |
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Re: pain doesn't hurt when its all i'v ever felt
(User Rating: 1 )
by Saint_41 on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 02:42:45 PM AEST
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| good write |
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