Words that cant feel what I do.
Contributed by
dingleberries86
on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 07:11:32 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
Waiting in sorrow and remorse,
Sorry for what i've done, and what pain I put you through,
Wishing I could take back time,
Listening for the phone to ring,
Looking at past memories on the wall, and in the scrap book,
Calling and getting no answer,
Hating life and wondering why?
I right now, some are sent to you, others locked in my thoughts,
How could you do this, even if you do not love me, at least pretend?
No, not good enough.
Nothing ever was.
Nothing will ever be.
I hate, I hate so much now. I hate the feeling I get thinking about you.
I hate I ever left you,
I hate your friends,
I hate your work.
But more than anything I hate who’ve you become.
You say its for the good,
You say its just for the summer,
You say it will happen again, that you still love me.
Love never dies you say, you say you still love me.
You say it, and you say it, and you say it.
Were you thinking it when you slept with him?
Did you think of it at all?
Did it come to mind for just a second?
Or was it meaningless, spur of the moment,
Did it feel good, was it what you hoped?
Did you know that it destroyed me?
It Ripped a ***** Gaping Hole In my Heart.
How could you?
I thought you were different, I thought It meant something to you.
Are you that low?
So low that you sleep with people to feel good?
It disgusts me, a image that burns in my head, and will not go away,
I hate you for that.
Why did you, how could you, I will never be the same?
***** it, who cares, it was just love right, just love, ***** it
***** IT, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I cant stand waiting, I cant stand who you’ve become.
I cant get you out of my mind, do you know how it feels?
You say you do, but I don’t believe you.
You will never know how I feel, you will never know true love
You are a like a basketball,
Boys just pass you around,
They bounce you hard on the ground and dribble,
And then give each other high fives.
I hurt so much right know, I hurt writing this, I hurt because im thinking about you.
I know what you are thinking,
I know you so well, I know you better than anyone,
After reading this you will never call,
You will destroy all evidence of my existence.
Shed a tear for a second till your date comes,
Blow me off and never write me back.
Oh wait, too late.
I forgot, must have been a dream, I haven’t herd from you in weeks,
You called once, but that was for assistance.
You called one night and hung up on me for no reason.
You make it so I cant get in touch with you.
It was never me, I cant blame my self anymore,
I did that to make you feel better, to make you feel like I had the problem.
Like I was the problem, like Im a ***** RETARD.
***** that, face up, You ***** up too, you ***** up too.
YOU ***** UP.
I left you because there was no love,
There was no controlling you,
You did not want me, you cared nothing for me,
Don’t lie, you only lie to yourself.
You needed me, but you did not love me.
We were codependent on each other.
You overpowered me because you loved the power.
I was a puppet and you were the puppet master,
You kept me on strings, and made me dance, anything you wanted I was there.
Did I not treat you good, did I not give you everything I could
I loved you, more than anyone has ever loved you.
I bent over backwards and took it in the *** for you,
What ever it took to make you happy, anything to keep your love,
A rollercoaster that never stopped going.
I was there for you, I was there, I loved you, I ***** Loved you.
What did I do, how was I not perfect, what made you not love me.
Sure I left you, so what I human, I loved you so much,
I left you because you were an irritation that plagued my life.
I left you because I saw nothing in your eyes, they were just full of white.
Your heart had turned to stone, and was falling away from mine.
I herd what you said about me behind my back, it kills me.
Now I am here writing this pathetic poem,
Talking to a blank page on the screen.
Assembling letters and words together,
Spilling my heart out, or what is left of it.
There is no one to talk to, not anyone, I am ashamed.
Too ashamed to tell my mother, the last love in my life right now
My only best friend, my Birth giver
I am ashamed to tell her the truth, why there is no fiancée in my life.
Ashamed to tell her how much I hurt, or why I don’t sleep at night.
I have no one, just me and my clustered canvas of words.
When it hurts, there is no escaping.
A drunken night only delays the pain.
There is no pleasure in life right now.
I have no job, I feel like I am dieing.
I don’t know what is to come, or when it will happen.
Everyday I wake up and hope that the ***** pain will go away.
That I will be free, free to live my life again.
To be what I once was.
You messed me up, you ***** my head up.
I used to know who I was, and where I was going.
Now I am a stranger staring into a mirror, wondering where I am and where I am going.
Everyday I hope I can find my old self, I don’t even remember.
I imagine who I was, or what I wanted out of life.
Im lost, im a looser, and im wounded.
Wounded like a solder coming back from battle.
Like I just lost both my legs and crippled for life.
Never able to walk again, just stuck for life,
Something for kids to point at, no longer mobile.
If you are still reading this know this,
I came back to you because I saw an opportunity for change.
We were apart for weeks, able to see the world, to do as we pleased.
I hoped that we may have learned something, that we could make it work this time.
I loved you with out a doubt in my mind,
I know I was ready for you, after all that we had been through,
I was still there for you even after I found out about him,
I forgave you, I did not care.
For god sakes I ***** LOVED YOU.
I spoiled you.
Drove many miles just to see you for a brief minute.
I cried my heart out, I opened up my heart.
But you did not care,
Maybe god answered your prayer, and It was ok not to care.
You Gave me no reasons, just picked up where you left off.
Treating me as if I was dog ***** stuck under your shoe.
No matter how hard you try the smell was still there.
Many nights I begged for you, I longed for you, I cried for you.
But, your love was there no more, though you promised it was .
All lies in my eyes, lies that destroyed my quivering corpse even more.
These are my last words to you,
Please don’t ever come to me again.
I cant take the pain, don’t call, don’t write
Don’t come near, just stay away.
Let me heal, forget about me and I will try to forget about you.
The sound of your voice or the sight of you just makes me want you again.
I feel like a recovering coke addict, when you are near, my body shakes and I want you.
Just continue to stop calling and writing me,
Have fun with life and try not to get ***** over.
Maybe someday you will see me again, but I hope that I don’t see you
If you see me don’t say a word, just keep on going with your life.
I LOVE YOU NO MORE!!
Copyright ©
dingleberries86
... [
2005-07-27 07:11:32]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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