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Fantasy
Contributed by
juliette
on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 06:29:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Dare I taste this bitter fruit you have forbidden me,
Savor the serpents sweet offering,
Sloppily spitting the sour back into thine enemy eyes?
Should I allow these lusty lips uninhibited access,
While peasants stand witness and attest to my treachery;
Your undeniable envy?
Will I treasure the tantalizing tremor
which clouds your faceas my tongue meets his-
My fantasy fading fast into reality:
Your reality into oblivion.
Copyright ©
juliette
... [
2005-07-26 18:29:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Fantasy
(User Rating: 1 )
by gwenevere on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 07:17:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| "The sour and the sweet "would be a good title I think.I agree with you , thids is a very good write, well done ,Ros |
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Re: Fantasy
(User Rating: 1 )
by vibes2go on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 09:54:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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serpent's tongue ..?
clouded reality ...
serpent's kiss ... |
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Re: Fantasy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 10:04:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Your title should be..either: "Bitter Fruit" or "Forbidden Fruit"
The first.. because it appears near the beginning
of the write..(best to have the title, if in the poem,
near the beginning or end of the write)
a full circle thing..
The second.. because the word "Fruit" can appear, while you paraphrase the descriptive quality of it, and still grab the attention of the reader with the title..
(blah blah blah.. lol)
"Bitter Fruit"
or
"Forbidden Fruit"
is my opinion..
Great write-
B |
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Re: Fantasy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 02:19:22 AM AEST
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Wow!! I loved this!! I think "forbidden Fruit" would be appropriate. Great style.
Jenni |
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Re: Fantasy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Azehr on
Thursday, 30th March 2006 @ 08:06:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I like it, i agree with the others. |
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