|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Ashes
Contributed by
FleurdeSang
on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 06:38:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I stare with pleading eyes at a distant nothing,
Hoping to find inspiration within the lustrous colors of air,
Choking on a saga of litany,
Wishing the Block would disintegrate,
And let me vomit my bittersweet emotions…
I have a feeling that my fingers aren’t lying this time,
Stripping me to the marrow of my bones as they weave each syllable,
Spitting profusely ebony gesticulations of what could be,
Dancing elegantly along a sea of white,
Now tainted with the sacrifices of my reborn pen…
What can one find in a pile of ashes?
I found my heart there one night,
Coughing gray unrequited loves and stale relationships,
Surprised to find it still bleeding,
I thought it to be dead long ago…
It was cloaked with endless robes of forgotten memories and ugly indifference,
The bruises from my last love still present, still those wretched cerulean colors, still…
Still… am I still waiting?
Of all the cold melancholy that I had surrendered to his memory,
Of all the nights I spent screaming to the mirror,
“You ****! He won’t come back to you!
WAKE UP!”
Yet, I still dream…
This void grows wider every time I blink,
Death is inevitable as my lips touch a figment
(The ghost of how you used to be…)
And I; the hopeless dreamer, the bleeding rose, the wretch,
Sit and wander the infinite corridors of my mind aimlessly,
Glaring at the same illusion as 2 lifetimes ago,
Finding only a sorrowful recollection, my tattered heart,
And the constant reminder that I am what I perceive…
NOTHING…
**A/N: I just wanted to inform everyone that this line "I have a feeling that my fingers aren’t lying this time...", is derived from SensitiveSoAbused's "These fingers lie" poem... I greatly advise you to read his work... and I hope that he doesn't mind me "borrowing" his idea, *meek smile*. Merci beaucoup, cheri ami! :D.**
~S.
Copyright ©
FleurdeSang
... [
2005-07-25 18:38:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unbreakable on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 07:45:20 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
This poem is interesting. Although the flow is consantly changing, the whole thing flows so nicely. I especially like the line, "what can one find in a pile of ashes", this write leaves the reader with a lot to think about, which I believe, in essence, makes a successful poem. Great work, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future..
Krystal |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by SensitiveSoAbused on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 07:46:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
It is a very painful poem that causes my stomach to lurch like a volvo exploding through the barriers of a road into a forest of shreiking agony and demons of anti-love.
You remember the poem "Charismatic You"
The wretched ending of that relationship was as identical to this poem as many of mine are to you.
Should I have the chance, I would embrace you fully with my firm arms and all the love i could save inside the ravaged and decimated walls of my heart, for most of it has bled and oozed out to poision me...
And yes, I noticed my inspiration in this poem and giggled with pride at your attributing such line to me.
One thing I thought of, however:
The line:
I stare with pleading eyes at a distant nothing,
Hoping to find inspiration within the lustrous colors of air,
Choking on a saga of litany,
Wishing the Block would disintegrate,
And let me vomit my bittersweet emotions…
I thought as soon as I read it that it would be more impacting should it read:
I stare with pleading eyes at a distant nothing,
Hoping to find inspiration within the lustrous colors of air,
Choking on a saga of litany..
Disintegrate,
And let me vomit my bittersweet emotions…
or something like that. I found the reference to the Block, although i realize the meaning, took away from the strength of that stanza.
Now I'm going to email you.
^_^
Firm embraces and sweet kisses, Stephanie.
|
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 07:50:32 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I could read and re-read this and perhaps never fully comprehend everything that is being said here. There is so many lines here that are just incredible and if SensitiveSoAbused was inspirational in this then I will have to read both more of you and seek them out too.
DSapelo
|
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by LoveStruck_Hippie on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 08:55:39 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow, what a moving poem. This one grabbed me and drew me inside as if it were a living breathing representation of a soul plagued with the scars of lost love (mine). One I could truely relate too. I tried to pick out my favorite stanza of the poem but could not: for the poem as a whole spoke to me.
*hugs*
Shannon |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 11:03:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Steph Im so happy your posting again and my words wont do this justice again your poetry goes through a whirlwind of poetic beauty each word a masterpiece to read
Michelle |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Silent-No-More on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 11:39:14 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Oh, Steph... there is so much of everything here that I truly don't know how to comment...
Ok... technically first. I agree with the other comment... "What can one find in a pile of ashes?" is brilliant - and potent. It very nearly knocked me over. I agree as well with the "Block" commentary... it was, truly, the only thing here that gave me a moment's pause. I think, though, the solution may just be to uncapitalize it --- leave it less clear, I think (writer's block... or... some other personal stop-point that needs to be hurdled, perhaps).
I adore hearing of the inspiration from SensitiveSoAbused's words (which I'm off to read as soon as I finish here) - ah! yes... if done well, poetry does inspire poetry! Your "I have a feeling that my fingers aren’t lying this time" absolutely grabbed me and pulled me straight in. And the piece as a whole, Steph... amazes me.
Time is the greatest of gifts. Some doors are harder to close (as some are difficult to open)... but in time, you'll find yourself right where you should be --- and find value in having been where you were once. You're stronger than you know, Stephy - I'm certain of this... and you are most assuredly not nothing --- just go right ahead and throw that word away... *hugs*
With admiration and compassion,
~Snem
(who - lol! - practically wrote a novel here!)
|
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 01:42:39 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Well, I will try to comment on this, but again I
find myself in awe of your poems. I don't think
I will ever need to write again as you capture
how i feel so vividly and perfectly. To be
honest I thought the poem really started after
this magnificent line.
"What can one find in a pile of ashes?"
That in itself is wondrous but the next line
compliments it and builds upon that query.
After that you held back nothing just an
outpouring of emotions that transformed
itself into the poetry we all know and love. You
have outdone yourself... again. Can you sign
my shoe? I am positive it will be worth
millions one day... once again a great write
my dearest Steph.
Bobo (Joel) |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 03:19:34 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Such beautiful writting stephy, comforting and heartfelt emotional reaching out for, a
a touch of divinity in every word, a lovely
treasure to be hold coming from you . . .
((((((((stephy)))))))))
Ben |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 03:46:49 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Stephy, this was heart brakingly sad. You have captured your emotions so well with this piece.
This was just perfection 5/5
Jane~ |
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 26th July 2005 @ 12:55:00 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Woa thats intense and deep hon.
very awsome great write.
hugs
|
|
|
Re: Ashes
(User Rating: 1 )
by OhSaige on
Thursday, 28th July 2005 @ 04:30:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| A good flow and a good read Thanks for sharing |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
