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I THINK I'M DYING
Contributed by
Lovingcritters
on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 10:26:33 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
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I MUST BE DYING?
I've never died before have you?
So how can you tell when you're through?
When you get old, you have little habits.
Following a regular schedule keeps you
within your limits,
"Twas just yesterday this happened to me.
Before my shower I brush my teeth timely
I'm very thorough too, like killing snakes!
Up and down perfectly, no mistakes.
Tasty toothpaste mints away the decay!
At first I thought it tasted like clay.....
Then it began to sting like the dickens.
Rinsing with water, my mouth puckered like lemons.
Complete denial set in, I proceeded to shower
Salivating fiercely, my tongue was getting crisper.
My nose was on hold, I could barely catch my breath
I panicked, because I was thinking is this death?
I held my mouth under the shower stream.....
That only seemed to aggravate the heat, I wanted
to scream.
I pulled the shower door open and started yelling.....
"Help, Help, Help, Montie came a running!
Behind the shower doors he heard me loud and clear.
"Montie something is wrong with my gums, the
pain is severe!"
Hey Mont I said,
"Did you drop my toothbrush in any thing?"
Poor Montie gets blamed for everything.
The dogs don't brush their teeth,
so he's the only one to blame.
It's even worse now, when I open my mouth
there's a shooting flame.
"Mom put your mouth under the shower again!"
"I already did that, ten times ten!"
"Keep doing it over and over until it stops hurting!"
I thinking, "I'm in so much pain, and my son doesn't
even care that I'm dying!"
I decided since I wasn't dead, I could proceed,
Drying myself vigorously still slobbering high speed.
I use Sensodyne toothpaste in a white tube.....
Right next to it in a white tube was "Ultra Strength
Muscle Lube!
Must I elaborate, Must I say anything more?
That's not the end of my story though, I left this
for my encore.....
The next day I did the very same thing as the day before.
I hadn't washed my toothbrush, only this time I swore!
This is just one of the hazards of growing old.
After you rub your body with Menthol rub put it
back in a safe stronghold.
It could have been so much worse for my smiles.
I could have grabbed Preparation H for my piles.
Created by
Loving critters
ConSue
July 24, 2005
"EEYORE: I'm not saying there
won't be an Accident now, mind you.
They're funny things, Accidents.
You never have them till you're
having them."
~ Winnie the Pooh~
*Flaming Smiles*
Copyright ©
Lovingcritters
... [
2005-07-24 22:26:33]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by CarolinaBlue on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 10:34:57 PM AEST
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Connie, I know this wasn't funny when it was happening to you but OMG! The song was perfect too.......LMAO You only read about these things happening to people you never truly think it will happen to you. God Bless and thanks for the warning! :-)
~Blue~ |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 10:36:24 PM AEST
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Oh my heavenly days, Connie. I am so sorry for the pain, but this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. But to repeat it the 2nd day is just too much. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I do have to admit one time though, not paying attention while getting ready for work, I used the room freshener instead of hairspray. I smelled like vanilla all day long.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 10:36:58 PM AEST
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Oh my heavenly days, Connie. I am so sorry for the pain, but this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. But to repeat it the 2nd day is just too much. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I do have to admit one time though, not paying attention while getting ready for work, I used the room freshener instead of hairspray. I smelled powder fresh all day long.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 11:29:35 PM AEST
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Oh Sue this is too much I am LMAO. (sorry)
then I go and read Rita's comment and now I am laughing so hard tears are falling! I needed that! Peace to you. Laura |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 02:08:28 AM AEST
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oh my my.. I am screaming with laughter.. I know it must hurt.. the way you wrote this.. I laughed the whole way through.. my eyes watering, my chair watering lol.. I love this funny stuff.. Please write more funny ones.. make my day.. lol..
Its great.. ty
Raquel Leah (Poetress) |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by Asthenia on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 02:09:05 AM AEST
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| haha! im sorry for laughing, but it is funny...im sure you didn't think it was funny at the time...but wow, that makes me laugh :D. Thank you very much for sharing this...you have no idea how much I needed a laugh tonight...thank you! |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 02:28:08 AM AEST
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I just have to make a second comment Consue, lol..
This whole poem kept me in stitches..throughout..
So much, I had to read it again.. lol..
The ending.. made me laugh too hard..
It could have been so much worse for my smiles.
I could have grabbed Preparation H for my piles.
Too, too funny.. giggles..
LOL.. I love it.. lol..
A while back, I ate a nice salad with those jalapeno peppers in it.. one of them as I ate it.. splurted juice down my throat before I could swallow.. I spent all evening drinking water to cool it off.. my son, who was a boyscout came home later that night.. and told me, mom don't you know water won't help.. He told me to take some milk, and hold it in my mouth, do not swallow.. to hold it in my mouth until the heat worked out of my tastebuds.. finding out water won't work with burns lol.. I was not that brilliant to think about getting into the shower to cool myself off.. lol.. I still won't touch those hot peppers.. that one incident was enough lol..
Not sure if I could write a funny poem about .. my hot pepper experience, with my mouth and throat burning..
Your experience is so darn funny.. just down and out funny.. I got to read it again lol.. ty for sharing..
Lol... I thought I was going to die too. lol..
Raquel Leah |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by grin69 on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 02:31:09 AM AEST
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| Girl you are too much!! I love everything you write!! Thanks for the laughs...what good medicine! |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 03:39:35 AM AEST
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woa like woa
sheesh connie dont scare me like that.
you take care of yourself hon.
love ya |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetangeluk on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 06:39:42 AM AEST
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Laughing so much i wet my panties Sue. This was so funny not at the time but some times we do the most funniest of things.
Once put ralgex spray under my arms insteadof deodorant. Owch the burning not nice. But laughed so much when I realised what I had done. Hubby was on the floor laughing so much.
What a sense of humour you have
Thanks for cheering up my day
Terrific
Love Angelxxxx |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by Elizabeth_Dandy on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 09:45:41 AM AEST
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Yea! I see that this really fascinating recital made people laugh a lot. Good for them and good for you Connie.
You have no idea how meritorious it is to make people laugh.
You get a crown for it
Thanks for sharing this extraordinary experience with us.
Warm love
Elizabeth |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard2 on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 10:33:00 AM AEST
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| ConSue this is hilarious you had me laughing till the tears came. Just what I needed as to day was one of those days. I too have used shampoo instead of toothpaste I was really foaming at the mouth. Another time I went to pour some buble bath in the bath water and the whole thing slipped out of my hands. To máke it worse I had a bubler going in the bath(one of those gadgets that twirls the water around.) In no time there was bubbles and foam right up to the cieling. I called my wife. Imagine her surprise on opening the bathroom door. We both laughed so much that one of the next door neighbours came and knocked wondering if any thing was wrong. I ma glad I do not have to use anything for piles I too could picture a mishap. Hugs from Martha and Bernard. |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 04:08:15 PM AEST
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wwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooooo Mom,
I think I'd keep that stuff in my bedroom. Any where except in the bath room.
Hilarious.
A masterpeice.
huggs, luv, big giggles,
yobrat,
emy |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by loveisendless on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 12:35:30 AM AEST
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First Off-DON'T SCARE US LIKE THAT ! 2nd.
It Was Funny-Sorry You Had To Suffer Though! At First I Thought You Really Ment It,
That's Why I Freaked Out At First!!! I'm Just Glad It Wasn't True-THANK GOD!!!!! Any Way I love You & Your Poetry-AMEN!!!
Love,
DAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Re: I THINK I'M DYING
(User Rating: 1 )
by car21221 on
Thursday, 10th November 2005 @ 11:43:06 PM AEST
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| this made me laugh was good and yes it can happen to us all i like that one too |
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