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Sin Sacrafice
Contributed by
Adnausiam
on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 02:31:42 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
My bleeding eyes make it hard to see the future.
The one who loves me most has betrayed me.
She rips my flesh away in ways she can't even see.
The modern day sin sacrifice is me.
To rid herself of all her lies and betrayals, I must become the evanescent light of guilt.
I have been crucified before all who love and hate what I am.
I thirst for the things she refuses to give me.
All she offers to quench it is pain wrapped in sweetness.
Hanging there, with no loving hands to commend my scarred spirit, left to die.
That is all that's left to set me free, death.
"Why have you forsaken me?"
Copyright ©
Adnausiam
... [
2005-07-24 02:31:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Sin Sacrafice
(User Rating: 1 )
by cooley1818 on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 07:14:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| very good write i have to say, it reminds me of alot of the stuff i write, well along the same lines, but i enjoyed reading it, keep up the good work |
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Re: Sin Sacrafice
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 01:19:38 PM AEST
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Beautifully expressed pain and anguish in this piece. The format would've flowed a bit better, if a few of the longer lines were divided into two separate ones...it was still an enjoyable read though, with some good wording...Two of my faves;
"The modern day sin sacrifice is me..."
and
"Hanging there, with no loving hands to commend my scarred spirit, left to die..."
Good job, and again...welcome to YPDC!
Scorp: ) |
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Re: Sin Sacrafice
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Sunday, 31st July 2005 @ 10:41:54 PM AEST
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The one who loves me most has betrayed me.
Oh, it is so hard to have this done to you. I feel for you. Your poem was good, raw, emotional. I enjoyed the twist with the last two lines.
You did a great job of expressing how a heart feels after betrayal. Thanks for sharing!
Carol |
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