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Just Give In
Contributed by
brokenandinlove16
on
Saturday, 23rd July 2005 @ 11:46:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
I'm trapped in a body I swear isn't mine,
this girl has gone crazy she's losing her mind.
She hasn't slept in over two days,
everything has become a jummbled up haze.
She eats like a horse but hasn't gained a pound,
maybe she ought to try and slow down.
I tell her she's tierd, with twitching eyes,
but she pushes it aside like one of her lies.
She lies to her freinds with her everyday life,
and she never wants to become a wife.
Her hearing is going and her head always hurts,
if she doesn't sleep soon its going to burst.
Im trapped in a body I know isnt mine,
so I'll just give in and call it a night.
Copyright ©
brokenandinlove16
... [
2005-07-23 23:46:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by thepizzaguy on
Saturday, 23rd July 2005 @ 11:52:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think that once you crack open out of this new body, you'll be able to find out why you feel trapped. I hope the answer is something you find soon. I'm here if you need help breaking out of this person's body. |
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by syenn0512 on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 12:08:23 AM AEST
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| It takes time to discover who you really are and what you really want.. Good Luck |
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kayden on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 12:15:42 AM AEST
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Good expresion. The only way you will find out why you are trpped is when you pray to God. Ask Him anything he knows the end from the begining. He will put you at rest. Then you will be free.
--Jimmy |
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 12:50:42 AM AEST
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| I know exactly how you feal ive fealt trapped before hope you feal better and Great write! |
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 01:59:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I thought the ending was just fine..
(lest the lack of rhyme in the last 2 lines)
But no worries..
It had a great rhyming scheme overall
and you marshalled the ideas just as well..
I also like how you refer to yourself in the 3rd person:
"She hasn't slept in over two days,"
"She eats like a horse but hasn't gained a pound,"
"She lies to her freinds with her everyday life,"
All in all, a great write..
B
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by veenu on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 02:08:44 AM AEST
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oh !!! when i read it
nice job keep sharing |
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 07:16:07 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like your rhyming patterns here. Not a lot of people use it to great success, but you did it in one spectacular way. Thanks for sharing this.
Jane ~
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Re: Just Give In
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ravisada on
Sunday, 24th July 2005 @ 08:28:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
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You have written well.
Hope you will feel better
Ravi |
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