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Falling
Contributed by
sprinter27
on
Thursday, 21st July 2005 @ 11:52:13 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I am calling
As I am falling
But no one hears me
No one can see
I have hit the ground
And there is no one around
No one caught me
They just left me to be
When I stood up again
I was too late for the train
Of fun and joy and happiness
So I walked away in sadness
And then the ledge I didn’t see
It took a hold of me,
Let me fall to the ground
With no one around
So I get up once more
And now I feel really sore
I look all around me
And no one I see
And then I get knocked down
And I begin to frown
There is no one around
And I’m still on the ground
Well, this time I’ll just lay here
I’m beginning to fear
Getting back on my feet,
I know I will fall down in defeat
And with no one near by,
This is my chance to say goodbye
Just to let go of it all,
Just get up once more and take the last fall
So now I am falling
I have stopped calling
I’m waiting for my chance to die
And tell you all who are not here goodbye
Copyright ©
sprinter27
... [
2005-07-21 11:52:13]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 21st July 2005 @ 12:55:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Powerful ending there Sprints...This sounds like a bit of a self struggle here...As a wise person once said; "If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again..." You can't triumph without failing first. Your expression was heartfelt in this write...The third stanza stood out a bit, because it was the only one that didn't keep a rhyme scheme...Things still flowed pretty well though. Good job.
Scorp. |
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Re: Falling
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bones on
Saturday, 30th July 2005 @ 05:41:43 PM AEST
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I like the way of how you showed "being kicked when you're down" and having no one there to help you. Very nice descprition of emotions. I like this poem. It very good.
Peace,
Agent Bones |
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