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happy thoughts
Contributed by
lostrelic
on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 08:55:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
happypoetry
|
Submitted for your approval are my words of concern
your world is being eaten by the great corporate worm
building your towers polluting the sky
when the whole thing comes crashing down dont ask me why
destroying the oceans and killing the sea
when the whole thing washes away dont run to me
there raping the land and chemicals in the food
this worlds gone chaotic cant you feel the mood
wandering around in this mass of confusion
we shop til we drop and buy in this illusion
music and movies there vision so loud
the blind leading the blind they walk around proud
this is our life as seen on tv
when the world comes crashing down dont follow me
i wont be alone in this fight for the real
i cant be the only one who can feel
this pain in my heart i feel everyday
watching humanity flush there life away
Copyright ©
lostrelic
... [
2005-07-19 20:55:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: happy thoughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 21st July 2005 @ 12:56:36 AM AEST
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a Message)
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you said don't read your latest, so I came in to read another.
I see a few things that I feel compelled to remark upon ... the first is that "They are" is a contraction that should be written "They're". I don't know that I would have chosen the Happy Poetry category for this piece ... but with the title ... it does create a bit of draw and an interesting paradox. It trips upon its rhythm occaisionally. But the sentiment and the words presented here are great. Some minor revisions ... and this would be fabulous.
Nazmythian ~
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Re: happy thoughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Thursday, 21st July 2005 @ 12:59:29 AM AEST
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Oh Wow ... look at me ... I went back and reread ... I made a mistake ... the possesive form of they, is "their"
Sorry ... my bad
Nazzy ~ |
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Re: happy thoughts
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Thursday, 28th July 2005 @ 05:41:11 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Woo no wonder ya have so many critics cause your writing goes way over some folks thinking abilities.
Keep up the good work.
huggs,
emy |
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