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Mend broken wing
Contributed by
In_a_While
on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 05:55:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
____________________________
i'm the rain falling when teardrops stop crawling
but only to hide what is hurting
i'm the loud calm before dreams meet the dawn
when your love is no longer hate burning
____________________________
i'll whisper soft words like soft humming birds
but only to chase clouds away
to mend broken wing is to help song birds sing
so let them have freedom to play!
____________________________
i'm stretching out thin when i reveal what's within
that's okay cause i think that i need to
i'll try stay together in summer's hot weather
but my heart soon begins to bleed through
____________________________
dw
Copyright ©
In_a_While
... [
2005-07-19 17:55:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Mend broken wing
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 09:15:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like your expression in this piece...while it's a little rough around the edges, I think that's also part of its appeal. You always show a unique ability to apply emotions in your writes, and this one is no exception. In one or two spots I thought you were maybe trying a little too hard to push some imagery. Which I don't think you need to do. You are a fine poet Dwayne, and your writes are steady improving, and you'll continue to grow as a writer...and that's something you could never force : )
Keep 'em coming Dwayne, you're doing good!!
Scorp. |
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Re: Mend broken wing
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Wednesday, 20th July 2005 @ 08:39:30 AM AEST
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Yet another good write by my boy DW. It was a good read and I really liked the ending. It was a little rouge around the edges but as scorp said that is part of the appeal. It is a deep write I just had to read it again and it has some great lines that hang in your mind like
i'm the loud calm before dreams meet the dawn
when your love is no longer hate burning
i'll try stay together in summer's hot weather
but my heart soon begins to bleed through
Good right DW keep it up I look forward to more my friend….Steve
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