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To far gone
Contributed by
StrwBrryStrBrst0225
on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 09:44:26 AM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
I'm not who I thought I was
I'm lost in all this crap
If life only amounts to this
Then theres no point to live
If I stopped breathing,
If I slept and never woke up
What exactly would you do
Soon you'll realize death is the only thing thats true.
My life was only worhtless
Every Breath I breathed was pointless
If my life amounts to this
Then nothing isnt such a sweet bliss.
If I fell I'd fall apart
I tried to pick my self up but i'm broken.
Soon you'll realize theres nothing you can say or do,
i'm to far lost even to you.
Theres no hope in the shadows,
No light in the dark
Then you realize nothings left
When you see your life fall right before you
Then you'll see my life only amounts to this,
One last breath , One sweet kiss, Lost to all.
( my death )
Copyright ©
StrwBrryStrBrst0225
... [
2005-07-19 09:44:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: To far gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Tuesday, 19th July 2005 @ 10:37:18 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| This poem needs a little bit of work. The first stanza seems to be a little too 'woe is me' without emphasizing true feelings behind the self pity. Express your sadness, anger, and hopelessness. You portrayed your emotions in metaphors well in the second stanza. But then you fell apart a little in the third stanza. You still have some great lines in it like 'Theres no hope in the shadows' 'No light in the dark' but after that the poem seems to go downhill. If you tweek the first and last stanzas I think you could really have something here. |
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Re: To far gone
(User Rating: 1 )
by needs_change on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 11:39:05 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| well.. i loved the poem. i think it's perfect the way it is. keep writing. |
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