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VERTIGO
Contributed by
blue_angel
on
Friday, 15th July 2005 @ 10:53:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Feeling the pulsations of the heart
Watching you tear me apart
A soul deprived cast away
With no tomorrow or today
Suffocated by the stench of death
Pain in mind and short of breath
A smear of failure on my life
Cut it away without a knife
Nails dig deeply into skin
Burrowing so close within
Eyes roll back into my head
Can’t tell if I’m alive or dead
My mind takes state of vertigo
My memories I now bestow
The strength in my spirit becomes weak
Fantasized words come when I speak
I shut my eyes to block the light
Cut out the vision of sun too bright
Forget the past, what I know
Frozen in a state of vertigo
Copyright ©
blue_angel
... [
2005-07-15 22:53:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by Evshrug on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 12:12:43 AM AEST
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a Message)
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First off, I can really feel a rhythm to your lines. This is going to sound abstract, but I could really feel a cadence with the speed each line goes, and only stumbled on two or three parts. Exellcent rhyming as well
As far as content goes, this seems very very painful. Is it about a painful memory? I must admit, the poem gave me a headache, but more in sympathy than anything else. Keep writing! |
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 01:36:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Yeah, think well want comments or I know I certainly enjoy knowing someone was touched by my writing.
this one be a masterpeice in my book as u describe your feelings-n-thoughts so well.
I can remember having these type feelings one or twice.
Keep up the great writing and hope u feel better really soon.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 03:14:55 AM AEST
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Good work on your rhythm and word choice, keep taking risks,
experimenting, and you'll only continue to get better! I have been
where you described and know how wrenching it is.
Take care and I look forward to reading more of your work.
~Kara |
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by gwenevere on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 05:23:26 AM AEST
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A tortured write.You express your feelings well
I haven't ,but I am sure a lot of people have been there and relate well, Ros |
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Saturday, 16th July 2005 @ 10:50:08 PM AEST
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awww.... jennie! this write was great, but so sad. it was very well written, but i wish you didn't feel like this! i know what it's like and i wish you would pull away from it and come to us, your friends. i am here anytime (really, i am, i have no life, remember? lol). please don't let go or feel like this jennie! i hate to see you in so much pain!!
great write, though, keep up the great work!!
~sprints |
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Re: VERTIGO
(User Rating: 1 )
by Abhisek on
Wednesday, 12th April 2006 @ 03:43:02 AM AEST
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Everyone feels but few can make it in words.
I know what it means. Good work Jenny.
Abhisek. |
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