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once
Contributed by
phishbates
on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 12:36:54 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
i cried once,
i mean i sobbed,
cried like a two hundred pound baby.
hunched over, tears flowing,
snot running a foot off my face
.
like i'd been kicked in the chest,
gasping and sucking for air
I could not find.
i felt dizzy, my vision was like
an old movie, flashing
black and white.
i could feel my pulse
in my ears.
i thought i would vomit.
i loved once.
Copyright ©
phishbates
... [
2005-07-14 12:36:54]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by trini on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 03:00:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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very very good. i really enjoyed it.
-trini
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 05:20:06 PM AEST
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Yes, I have been there, more than once. Death would be a friend during that particular time. It feels like death anyway. Excellent.
 |
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 05:38:11 PM AEST
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LOL I'm sorry, but the line about the 200 pound baby was funny, sorry i know im not supposed to laugh but that made me giggle.
But as for the remaining part of the poem, i did find it gripping with emotions. I already read it twice and im loving each time it read it again.
Very cool stuff. Welcome to YPDC.
Jane xxx |
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 14th July 2005 @ 11:36:31 PM AEST
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| Yeah Phish you got it going on. This was one of the rawest writes I've had the pleasure to read in awhile. Been there, so many of us have, you just described this so well. The hippie is bowing to you. Much peace. Glad you came here to share your work. Laura |
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by brew on
Monday, 18th July 2005 @ 11:39:45 AM AEST
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yes, very well done. Liked the whole concept. Thanks for posting
Brew~ |
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Re: once
(User Rating: 1 )
by brokenwings on
Monday, 18th July 2005 @ 02:01:55 PM AEST
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very gripping, it was a great write, keep it up, i must agree with jane with the 200lb baby, it did make me giggle but it was truely beautiful..
tasha |
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